As far as French artist, Rindy Sam, was concerned, she had committed an act of love. but that's not how her prosecutors saw it. They want to fine Sam $6,400 and have her take a class on good citizenship.

The recipient of Sam's passion was a an all-white painting by the American artist Cy Twombly (call me a Philistine if you must, but how is that art?) and, unfortunately, when she planted a large kiss onto the canvas she was wearing bright red lipstick. Some could argue that a splash of color livened the thing up but the owner of the piece didn't agree. Yvon Lambert wanted $2,878,000 in damages, which included the value of the painting together with the $47,000 restoration cost.

The verdict is expected on November 16.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:04 AM | Permalink

In the German city of Duisburg, police found the blackened remains of a 32-year-old man, along with a set of cable cutters and a pile of cables he had already stolen.

The body was that of a known felon, who had tried to steal a 10,000 volt carrying live copper wire. The force of the shock had blown the robber's hand clean off, before the rest of the body was incinerated. This was useful, as it allowed police to use his already logged fingerprints to identify him.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:56 AM | Permalink

In Greece last week, two thieves armed only with ketchup, waylaid a supermarket employee as he was taking cash to the bank. They apparently jumped from the bushes and threw two bagfuls of ketchup onto the car's windscreen, forcing it to stop.

The ambushed man fought his attackers off and they escaped on a motorcycle having managed to grab 400 euros. The employee had been carrying 140 euros.

With such bravery, I'm surprised he didn't try to ketchup with them.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:43 PM | Permalink

Following on from the recent police raid on magician David Copperfield's warehouse, we are now told that the raid came about following an allegation of sexual assault.

The assault allegedly happened in the Bahamas, following a trick that Copperfield apparently uses routinely for picking up women.

The trick goes like this:

Copperfield goes into the audience and selects women to come up on to the stage. If he is particularly taken with a girl, he uses code words like ‘mama’ or ‘secrecy’ and his assistants mark the women on a map of the inside of the theater .

Once the show is over, the selected women are taken back stage and photographed using a digital camera. I suppose the assault happens when he forgets the magic word. Obviously, not everybody is fooled by the Copperfield magic. He just has to hope that the police are.

Celebrity Gossip

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:05 AM | Permalink

Passengers on a German train were alarmed when they could get no response from a fellow commuter. Deciding that the blood and gore that covered the man's face meant he had been murdered, they called the police.

A first aid team also arrived at the scene - and told the drunken Halloween reveler to remove his make up.

Those Zombies are everywhere nowadays.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:11 AM | Permalink

James Harris, 37, was enjoying a day pheasant hunting when a hunting dog stepped on his gun and shot him in the leg.

The hunting group had downed a bird and Harris went off to retrieve it, laying his gun on the ground as he crossed a fence. At this point, one or more of the dogs stepped on his gun, causing it to fire.

The investigation is continuing. Why? Is the dog going to be charged with murder or are the cops looking at a reduced charge? Maybe, the dog could claim he was not of sound mind at the time of the shooting, what with all of those orders to fetch being shouted at him.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:58 AM | Permalink

Why, no, 'tis a female silhouette with her arm in a sling.

Don't folk get excited over little things? In supporting an amendment to legislation changing the height requirement for rear splash guards on trucks in Arizona, Democratic Rep. Theresa Ulmer of Yuma, said it fit with lawmakers' other efforts to crack down on pornography and sexual predators.

In support of her argument, Ms Ulmer said "I personally am tired of explaining to my 11-year-old son why they (women) are depicted on mudflaps , but not all women are 36Ds. He's very confused by that."

Ms Ulmer obviously has a small mind - and I wouldn't be surprised if she has a small chest as well.

Unsurprisingly, the amendment was defeated by 31 votes to 19

autoblog.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:01 AM | Permalink

Imagine the embarrassment - you hear a lady in distress and, having buffed your armor to a worthy shine, you sally forth, sword in hand, to help her. Arriving at the source of the woman's cries, you kick down the door and, with sword extended, you enter. What you find, however, is a lonely neighbor watching a pornographic movie.

This is exactly what happened to James Van Iveren of Oconomowoc in Wisconsin. Unfortunately, our gallant hero had to contend with something more than embarrassment. First, police seized his sword, which is a family heirloom, and then they carted him off to jail.

Our blushing knight in shining armor was charged with criminal trespass while using a dangerous weapon, criminal damage to property while using a dangerous weapon and disorderly conduct while using a dangerous weapon, all criminal misdemeanors that carry a maximum total penalty of 33 months in jail.

Laughter apart, there is a serious message here: don't extend your sword and enter unless you're sure of your ground - you could end up losing your family heirlooms.

JS Online

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:32 AM | Permalink

In Southern California this week police arrested Floribel Hernandez Cuenca, 29, and Manuel Martin Sanchez Garrido, 44, of Montclair for selling a variety of unlicensed cheeses to the public. Ms. Cuenca was also arrested on felony cheese making charges.

CDFA Secretary A.G. Kawamura says that Illegally produced is cheese is serious threat to public health.

Forget the war on terrorism; the next big threat to the great American public is ... cheese!

Can you imagine Ms Cuenca's first day in jail. Some hulking career criminal comes up to her and asks her...

"hey doll, watchya in for?"

Least said, soonest mended?

Central Valley Business Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 02:34 PM | Permalink

A British Transport Policeman, who joined a dubious sounding Uniform Dating love match site, has been cleared of criminal charges, despite leaving his post on three occasions for an assignation with a woman he met through the site. During his twenty minute liaison with this woman Inspector Masood Khan kept his ear piece in situ so that he could maintain radio contact with his colleagues and be alerted to any emergency situation that might develop.

Over and out seems an apt phrase here.

News.com.au

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 02:24 PM | Permalink

A murderer who strangled four people to death, two of them children, and who has been on Alabama's death row for more than twenty years has received a stay of execution.

Daniel Lee Siebert, who suffers with terminal cancer, was due to be executed by lethal injection on Thursday but the execution was stayed because Siebert claimed his cancer medication would interact with lethal injection drugs and inflict unnecessary pain.

Erm - couldn't they just stop the cancer medication? I mean the guy's gonna die anyway.

ABC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:35 AM | Permalink

Forty-three year old hitchhiker, James Wayne Evans, got a lot more than he bargained for when he was picked up by Angie.

Evans admits to stabbing Angie after she requested payment-in-kind for the ride.

The woman driver took Evans to her horse barn just outside of Wolfe City, where she asked him to perform oral sex on her. Our intrepid hitchhiker was more than happy to oblige but, as he got down to work, he discovered something that shouldn't have been there. Angie was, in fact, a man. That's when he stabbed her multiple times.

At the time of writing, Evans is incarcerated and bail has been set at $50,000.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:11 AM | Permalink

Some time ago there was a spate of Dumb Justice outlawing baggy pants. Well, its not over yet; Port Allen in Louisiana has just unanimously voted in a ruling stating, "Pants to be secured at the waist so they do not fall below the hips, expose underwear or create indecent exposure."

Maybe they misunderstood the use of the word Crack in Crack Kills?

Stars and Stripes

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:49 AM | Permalink

Police are searching for a 22 year old man who got into a violent dispute with his sister when she wanted to shave the family cat. She thought that shaving would rid the cat of fleas and ticks.

The brother tried to cut the shaver cord with a knife, at which point his sister kicked him, causing the man to cut himself. He responded by choking and pushing his sister and then ran off. The sister then called 911.

I can't decide who is most dumb - the sister for thinking that shaving the cat will rid it of fleas and ticks, or the brother for thinking he could cut through a live electric wire with impunity.

The least said about shaved pussies the better.

Statewide

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:08 AM | Permalink

A former jail house officer in San Luis has been supplying female inmates with candy bars. in return for them exosing their bodies to him. On payment of a 'flash' he would also pass messages to male inmates.

He also apparently exposed himself to a female inmate. Personally, I'd rather have the candy bar - they're much nicer to look at, they taste better, and they tend to last longer.

Tenessean

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:44 AM | Permalink

When Jeffrey Stephens and his wife Patricia were recently awakened by their barking dog, Patricia went to investigate (mmmm, shouldn't it have been Jeffrey who did that?). She found a 20-year-old man going through the back seat of a neighbor's van.

Jeffrey Stephens confronted the younger man - ah, here he is, the cavalry - who claimed the van was his friend's. Our hero, Jeffrey, disbelieving of the story, sat on the burglar while Patricia went off to call the police. Jeffrey weighs in at 200lbs so the burglar couldn't move very far.

The case goes to trial this week. Jeffrey sustained minor injuries from his tussle with his young adversary and is the hero of the story. Hell, all he did was sit on the guy - anybody can do that. It took real heroism to investigate the cause of the dog's barking.

TriCities

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:27 AM | Permalink

Detectives are searching for two masked men who stole $30,000 dollars from a topless bar over the weekend. The robbers demanded that the employees put money from a safe and a desk drawer into a garbage bag.

The problem is getting a sack large enough to hold thirty thousand dollar bills.

WNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:05 AM | Permalink

A 40-minute police chase ended when the truck being pursued crashed through zoo exit gates. The truck had been taken from the owner by his teenage son and three friends. Also taken were a 12-gauge shotgun and shotgun shells. During the chase, the driver swerved toward the pursuing police cars and one of the teens in the bed of the truck threw firewood at the squad cars.

Two of the teens were caught at the zoo trying to flee on foot but the driver and another passenger successfully fled, eventually getting into a taxicab.

Now this is where the story doesn't ring true - who gets a taxicab that easily?

Overnight janitorial and animal care staff had been listening to the chase on a police scanner and couldn't believe that the truck was on zoo property because the gates were locked. Well, they've got a point, whoever heard of a truck with keys.

Milwaukee JS Online

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:46 AM | Permalink

A man claims that a severe allergic reaction to floor polish led him to shoot a love rival.

Marco Batelli was less than happy when he saw another man taking an interest in a woman he liked and he had a drunken argument with them before going home and changing his clothes. Some time later he went to the home of his rival and shot him three times in the leg. Maybe polish affects your aim as well.

In Batelli's defense, his lawyer claimed that his client's life had started to spiral out of control following his work as a floor layer in 1994 when he developed a severe allergic reaction to the chemicals he used. I think the clue was the drunken argument.

ABC News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 01:12 PM | Permalink

Hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of damage to a Sussex mansion was allegedly caused by the crew of a Ministry of Defence helicopter, a British court heard on Thursday.

The crew apparently broke low-flying rules in order to 'communicate' with a sun-bathing au pair.

The downdraft caused by the fourteen tonne Merlin as it hovered at less than 500 feet caused extensive damage to a conservatory. Barry and Anna George, owners of the mansion and employers of the au pair, are claiming £250,000 in damages for what Judge Jonathan Foster, QC, described as an "alleged frolic."

These people obviously don't realize how difficult it is to find reliable au pairs nowadays.

The Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:44 AM | Permalink

A burglar caught red-handed was made to clean up his mess at gun point.

Adrian and Tiffany McKinnon returned home after a week away to find that their home had been burgled and that piles of trash had been left behind. As Mr McKinnon surveyed the mess, a man walked through the back door straight into him. McKinnon held the suspect, 33-year-old Tajuan Bullock, at gunpoint and told him to sit on the floor until he decided what to do. He then ordered him to clean up the mess he had made and held Bullock at gunpoint while he did so.

When police arrived, the burglar complained to them that he had been made to clean the house at gunpoint. I see his point, they could at least have given him a meal first and let him sleep awhile. Moving all that family's stuff must have been dreadfully tiring.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:15 AM | Permalink

Following two salmonella outbreaks that were traced back to almonds, the Californian almond industry has been told that they must pasteurize their nuts.

Glen Anderson is a 72 year old organic pioneer farmer whose farm has been in his family since 1912. He is convinced that folk don't want anybody tampering with their nuts. He said that new legislation, which came into force on September 1st, was "being shoved down all of our throats."

A little hard to swallow, eh?

San Francisco Chronicle

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:00 AM | Permalink

The city of Pasadena has been ordered to pay $80,000 to a quadriplegic man. Cornell Greathouse sued because four policemen allegedly pulled him out of wheelchair and hung him over a 4-foot concrete wall in order to search him.

On Wednesday of this week the jury decided that the police officers were not culpable but they ordered that the City of Pasadena must pay $78,939.12 for failing to train officers on how to deal with a quadriplegic.

Why the guy was being searched isn't explained - maybe they thought he was going to pull a gun on them?

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:48 AM | Permalink

A motorist in Austria, finding that he was too drunk to change one of his car tires, called one of the emergency numbers stored on his phone, thinking it was the breakdown service. Sadly, his vision must have been a little blurry because he phoned the police emergency number instead.

A police spokesman said, "On the phone it was clear he was highly intoxicated and we sent over a patrol car. He doesn't need his vehicle now because we took his license."

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:32 AM | Permalink

It's reported that, on Thursday night, a dozen FBI agents raided illusionist David Copperfield's warehouse and seized a computer hard drive, a memory chip from a digital camera, and $2 million in cash.

I await further news with interest, while wondering who is best at making people disappear, the FBI or Copperfield.

Las Vegas Now

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 04:05 AM | Permalink

You could be forgiven for thinking that I am obsessed with Britney - nothing could be further from the truth but this girl is such a good source of Dumb Celebrity stories that she is hard to ignore.

An hour ago the wires informed us that she had driven over the foot of a paparazzi. Probably serves him right for hassling the poor woman the day after a judge suspended visitation rights with her two sons until she complies with all court orders.

Oops, she did it again

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 02:55 AM | Permalink

When police stormed the home of Jose Luis Calva in Mexico City last week they found the table set for dinner, complete with a plate of fried human flesh.

They also found his unfinished manuscript, Cannibal Instincts, along with the mutilated body of, Alejandra Galeana. Calva admitted that he had killed Galeana following an argument but said that he had removed an arm and a leg so that he could dispose of the body piecemeal. Calva is suspected of committing two similar crimes. An ex girlfriend revealed that Calva "was a jealous, possessive lover who believed in witchcraft and practiced rituals, including hammering a cow's tongue to a board." She doesn't specify whether or not a cow was attached to the tongue at the time.

Calva is suspected of committing two similar crimes but he denies anything to do with them. Probably doesn't like bringing up old girlfriends.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:46 PM | Permalink

Animal control officer, Christy Champagne, was dragged for almost two miles while hanging onto the car hood of Larry Henderson. Henderson obviously didn't want to pay the $85 charge when picking up his straying dog from the pound and, in an attempt to avoid having to part with his cash, got in his car and attempted to drive away.

Champagne tried to stop him by hanging onto the bonnet. Apparently, Henderson occasionally drove at speed and and sometimes swerved in his efforts to shake her off but she hung on with, erm, dogged determination. The car was eventually brought to a halt by police and Henderson was charged with reckless conduct and simple battery.

I suspect by that by the end of her journey Champagne was pink, stirred, and definitely shaken. A feisty little number.

CBS

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

In Monterrey this week, a priest was briefly jailed for punching a policemen. The cleric had been caught driving drunkenly through the streets of the city. He was reportedly clutching a prayer book at the time of his arrest and became very violent when he realized that his car was to be towed away.

I don't know why this is newsworthy, after all, clerical errors happen all the time.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:29 AM | Permalink

A 19-year-old Lodi man who accidentally shot his friend in the face has been arraigned on charges including gross negligent discharge of a weapon. He was jailed without bail. It would be too easy to get cheap laughs by comparing this case to that of the Cheyney shooting earlier on this year, although I would like to say that, given the choice, I would rather go hunting with Dick Cheyney than be driven over a bridge by Ted Kennedy.

Let us look instead at the comments of the nineteen year old victim's step-father, who has been reported as saying that his step-son Joshua House, will still need more surgery, has some motor-sensory problems that make him fall and drop things, and is getting tired of eating soup.

Now ain't that just the thing about nineteen-year-olds - always finding something to complain about.

Lodi News Sentinel

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:03 AM | Permalink

When Dawn Garcia looked outside her house for the source of the hollering and swearing she could hear, I'm sure the last thing she expected to see was a man struggling with a giant pumpkin. Understandably she told him to go away, although probably not in those exact words.

After attacking her inflatable Halloween lawn display of three ghosts and a giant pumpkin, her neighbor, John Odee, then apparently smashed his head through her window in a fit of rage. When police arrived they found Odee inside Garcia's house. She, in the meantime, had escaped with her three children to the house of another neighbor.

The last report of Odee was that he was being held at Ulster County Jail in lieu of $25,000 bail.

What else did Garcia expect when putting out her decorations so early in the month? And, obviously I'm not the only person irritated by endless trails of children using menaces to extract Hershey bars from innocent adults on October 31.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:13 AM | Permalink

Doctors in Nassau were unable to reattach the ear of a burglary victim last week.

In what appeared to be an entirely random attack 27 year old Luis Hidalgo tossed a boulder through the window of his victim's house and then attacked him so violently that he bit off the man's ear. He then picked up a karaoke machine and crashed it down on the 64 year old victim's head, who valiantly fought back with vacuum cleaner hose.

Obviously, this burglar had an ear for music.

Newsday.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:41 AM | Permalink

A 6-year-old child is facing a $300 for making a chalk drawing on the sidewalk.

The Department of Sanitation say they sent a standard letter to six year old Natalie’s mom following a 311 complaint call about the 'graffiti.' The standard letter read:

Please Remove The Graffiti From Your Property, Failure To Comply… May Result In Enforcement Action Against You.

Um, just a thought, but when I was a kid, the rain washed it all off within a few days.

Brooklyn Paper

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:23 AM | Permalink

Doctors who were involved in the care of Anna Nicole Smith have been served with search warrants.

One of the doctors, Dr. Sandeep Kapoor, has apparently already been under investigation by the state medical board.

The other physician, Dr. Khristine Eroshevich, a psychiatrist, had prescribed all of the drugs found in Smith's Florida hotel room after her death. The Good Doctor's lawyer, Gary Lincenberg, acknowledges that a search warrant had been executed "into the question of whether or not prescriptions were in accordance with California law." He then added, "This has nothing to do with whether or not (she) in any way contributed to" Smith's death.

So the cocktail of eleven powerful sedatives, anti-anxiety drugs, muscle relaxants, anti-seizure drugs, diuretics and antibiotics prescribed for Smith by the Good Doctor in the five weeks before she died are irrelevant then.

Reuters/Nielsen

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:09 AM | Permalink

Grammy Award-winning rapper T.I. was arrested on Saturday by ATF Agents and charged with the purchase of illegal machine guns. The arrest came hours before he was due to star at a major awards ceremony and as the artist took delivery of three machine guns and two silencers.

David E. Nahmias, U.S. Attorney for the Northern District of Georgia, said that the convicted felon was allegedly trying to add several machine guns to his large and illegal arsenal of guns. T.I. was convicted of a violation of the Georgia Controlled Substances Act in 1998 and given seven years probation.

The rapper apparently thought he could hip hop the law that says It is a federal offense for a convicted felon to have someone else purchase firearms on their behalf, by having his bodyguard purchase the guns and silencers.

T.I. is a member of the growing band of rappers who see themselves as victims of a witch hunt, harassed by the hip-hop cops.

Nothing to do with illegal arsenals then.

Reuters

and

LA Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:38 AM | Permalink

An elderly man was arrested in Austria on suspicion of shooting dead another man and cutting off his penis.

The reason for his crime? He believed that the victim had been having a twenty-year affair with his wife. Wouldn't it have been easier just to divorce the wife? And why had it taken him twenty years to build up to this act?

More questions than answers in this one, not least of which is, is one penis per loss of honor a fair exchange rate?

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:02 AM | Permalink

In this instance, its not the celebrity who is dumb, at least not in the context of this event. Pirates of the Carri bean star, Orlando Bloom has been involved in a car collision, caused by having to swerve the vehicle to avoid a paparazzo. The swerve resulted in minor injuries to two of Blooms passengers.

The actor said that a photographer made a sudden lane change and cut him off and, to avoid hitting him, he swerved but ended up crashing into two parked cars.

The paparazzo has not been identified but possibly answers to the name of Sparrow.

Press Association

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 02:52 AM | Permalink

Britney Spears has been granted access to her sons for one night each week, according to a BBC news report today. Apparently, Britney's mother will monitor the visits.

Poor kids, they'll be just like their mother; waking up in the morning not knowing where they are. They could be with mommy, granny, daddy...

BBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:10 AM | Permalink

Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling is suing the organisers of an Indian religious festival for building a canvas and papier mache replica of Hogwarts Castle. According to one of the organizers, they have also built a model of the Titanic but have not been sued. Well, no they wouldn't have, would they; the Titanic was real, Hogwarts only exists in the imagination. Does anybody else see the irony here?

Rowling and her publishers, Bloomsbury, are demanding payment of two million rupees to the British author before allowing the Indian Hogwarts to be completed.

Where's Dumbledore when you need him?

Ah, yes, he died, didn't he.

AFP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:45 AM | Permalink

A Wisconsin burglar obviously needed a good meal inside him. He entered an unlocked apartment,walking away with a pizza, eggs, beef ravioli, peaches, and one chicken-and-broccoli Hot Pocket. No valuables were taken.

Police have no suspects at present but they are looking for a well-fed man with egg on his tie.

Taunton Gazette

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:19 AM | Permalink

A man allegedly stabbed his roommate to death last Saturday evening during a drunken argument over smelly feet, Houston police said. Shortly after 10 p.m., police escorted a man from the apartment, barefoot and handcuffed as a crowd of neighbors looked on. He was taken to police headquarters for questioning

The two men shared a 10-foot-by-10-foot bedroom that, according to Sgt. M. Sosa of the homicide squad, 'did smell.' If that measurement is correct, its no wonder murder was committed smelly feet or not. Hell, I couldn't live with myself in a 10 foot by 10 foot room.

At this point it is unclear whether the dead man is the one with the smelly feet or the one who was offended. Either way, I'd hate to share a cell with him.

Houston Chronicle

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:55 AM | Permalink

Apparently, there is something called a 'wet willie,' and its not what immediately sprang to my mind when I read the phrase. Prepare to be educated:

According to court records, Louis Carlos Perales, 38, picked up an additional charge of assault and battery on a police officer after he put his finger in his mouth and then into an officer’s ear. That, my friends, is a wet willie. We live and learn.

Perales had been arrested for threats to kill and public intoxication at the time of the incident. Well, that makes sense, how intoxicated does one need to be to inflict a wet willie on an officer of the law?

Examiner-Enterprise

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:26 AM | Permalink

A parcel from Peru was found to contain 100 dead beetles, each stuffed with cocaine, Dutch authorities said last Thursday.

The beetles bodies had been slit open and filled with a total of 300 grams of cocaine, with an estimated street-value of $11,270.

Who would want to stick stuff from beetles' insides up their nose? Mind you, I suppose its better than when its been smuggled in up somebody's backside.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:48 AM | Permalink

Police responding to a domestic violence call, shot dead a fifteen year-old boy who was wielding a steam iron. Authorities said police opened fire on the boy during the confrontation in a second-floor hallway. The wounded boy was transported to Albert Einstein Medical Center with a gunshot wound to the chest area and was pronounced dead.

You have to admit that a fifteen-year old boy wielding any sort of iron is suspicious. I mean, any normal boy would have asked his mom to do it for him.

CBS

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:38 AM | Permalink

It's not the donut,. It's the assault. The amount of force and value of the property doesn't matter.That's the lesson currently being learned by Scott A. Masters of Missouri.

Masters, who must have been feeling a bit peckish at the time. slipped a 52 cent donut into his pocket without paying. As he fled the store, he pushed away the clerk who tried to stop him. The push is being treated as a minor assault, which changes what would have been a shoplifting charge to strong-armed robbery. Because of his previous criminal history, Scott could now be facing a 30 year jail term.

That's one expensive donut, especially when we hear that Masters didn't even get to enjoy his ill-gotten gains. He threw the donut away as he fled.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 02:52 AM | Permalink

Gaylord was an ostrich who metaphorically kicked sand in the face of two young, drunken intruders.

He lived on an ostrich ranch in San Francisco and, alarmed by the intrusion of Timothy McKevitt, 19, and Jonathon Porter, 21, he kicked out at them, causing more bruising to the men's pride than to their bodies. The situation was not helped when the drunken pair's girlfriends saw the funny side of things and laughed. Well, who wouldn't?

The two men returned with a rifle and shotgun and fired at least seven shots at Gaylord, according to a police report. Porter was sentenced to seven months in jail, McKevitt is yet to be sentenced.

Male pride eh? This pair need more than their heads buried in the sand.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 02:37 AM | Permalink

Marion Jones has always vehemently denied being a drug cheat, daring anyone to prove otherwise. However, in a recent letter to family and close friends she admits using steroids before the Sydney Games. This admission may also see Jones stripped of the five medals she won in Sydney.

Jones says that she thought the substance given to her by her trainer was flaxseed oil and not a performance enhancing drug, despite allegedly being seen by BALCO founder, Victor Conte, injecting herself.

I don't think you can inject flaxseed oil but I do wonder if she could possibly inject a bit of honesty and humility.

The case continues.

Associated Press

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:03 AM | Permalink

There can be no denying that pop tart, Britney Spears, is dumb, but she doesn't exactly help her cause does she?

The reason she lost custody of her two children was because she did not comply with previous orders made by the court. Four days after being told that she was required to go for twice weekly random blood testing, she was charged with hit-and-run and driving without a valid license in relation to an accident in a parking lot in August. As if that wasn't enough. she didn't even have a Californian license.

CNN

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:59 AM | Permalink

The latest twist in the 2-1/2-year battle between director Peter Jackson and New Line Cinema over profits from "Lord of the Rings" is a $125,000 sanction against the studio for failing to hand over potential evidence. Jackson believes this ruling could help him prove that accounting tricks cheated him out of tens of millions of dollars in profits.

At the moment, the battle concerns only the first film of the Rings trilogy so, like Tolkien's epic, this case could run, and run, and run, and run, and......

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:11 AM | Permalink

Charges have been dropped against a Texas woman who was accused of giving her husband a sherry enema that killed him.

Apparently the woman had administered two large bottles of sherry to her husband, raising his blood alcohol level to 0.47 percent, or nearly six times the level considered legally drunk in Texas. The husband had a throat ailment that prevented him from drinking alcohol, which was somewhat at odds with his severe alcohol problem. I suppose you could say it literally caused him a pain in the butt.

The woman admitted giving the enema but denied that it killed her husband.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:30 AM | Permalink

An amputated and embalmed leg that was sold at a North Carolina auction is to make its way back to its owner.

John Wood lost his leg in an airplane crash three years ago and, wishing it to be cremated with him when he eventually limped off of this mortal coil, he had it embalmed and kept it in a barbecue smoker, which he socked away in a storage unit. Unfortunately, Wood failed to keep up payments on the unit and the smoker was auctioned complete with leg. The initially shocked buyer of the smoker asked the authorities to remove the leg before realizing its Halloween money-making potential.

Not wanting his leg to be a conversation piece, Wood sought (and won) its return. Police decided that the leg's buyer, Shannon Whisnant, had given up ownership by calling authorities and asking them to take it away.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:27 AM | Permalink

According to Seat Belt Offender.

A North Carolina man, stopped for not wearing a seatbelt, has been charged with assault after coughing three times into the face of the patrol man who pulled him over.

The defendant claims that he developed a cough after his dog died and that the coughs in question were actually at the waist level of the patrol man and not into his face.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:03 AM | Permalink

That's What Little Boys Are Made Of.

Ah, but what about politicians? Well, in the state of Ondo, south western Nairobi, successful politicians are apparently made of: one rabbit, seven eggs, cowrie shells and palm oil. It was possession of these items by a witchdoctor that led to his arrest.

The witchdoctor, Abiodun, said that he was sent by one of the principal officers of the state House of Assembly to perform some rituals in the court premises. The ritual would have been purchased in an attempt to ensure that the opposition failed.

The witchdoctor was obviously hedging his bets because, along with his 'ingredients' he also carried a copy of the bible plus a copy of the koran.

A multicultural/multifaith witchdoctor - now there's progress.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:29 AM | Permalink

In most places in the world, return the goods and you get a refund.
Return your drinks in Pennsylvania and it will cost you fifty bucks a time.

At El Azteca, a Mexican restaurant and bar near Pennsylvania University, any group of drinkers larger than six are required to sign a restrictive contract that lists a credit card number which can be used to pay for any damages incurred by inebriated clientèle. For every puking customer, a $50 fine is charged to the credit card.

Wouldn't it be far easier all round just to stop serving those patrons who appear to have reached their limit?

Washington Square News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:46 AM | Permalink

YOU'VE WALKED A MILE IN MY 1,500 PAIRS OF SHOES

Erik D. Heinrich, 26, of Kenosha pleaded guilty this week to three counts of burglary. His ill-gotten gains? More than 1,500 pairs of girls' shoes from area schools.

Heinrich, who worked for a cable company, collected keys to the schools as he responded to calls. He visited one middle school six times over a two year period.

We'll find out if these shoes were made for walking right on into jail on October 23rd, when Heinrich is scheduled for sentencing.

AP

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 02:09 AM | Permalink

A man in Johor, Indonesia, complained to police when his wife almost severed his penis. He had misguidedly made comparisons between his two wives and their prowess in bed. The older wife didn't fare too well in the comparison and put her kitchen knife to good use.

Despite shock, and, I imagine, a not inconsiderable amount of pain, the husband managed to pull on his trousers and ride his motorcycle to a nearby hospital, where doctors reattached the organ. They only needed eleven stitches.

The useless reattached to the hopeless. I expect he walks with a limp.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:29 AM | Permalink

An Australian barmaid has lost her job and faces four charges of causing intentional injury after serving one of her customers a 'shot' of disinfectant - Pine-O-Cleen, apparently.

This is the same barmaid who once covered a bar in sticky-tape and who had previously served the disinfected man with a shot of pure water.

So, if you're in search of some good, clean fun, this is the girl for you.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:21 AM | Permalink

Three Mexican minors had been driving a pick up truck on a remote Californian highway when they were stopped by a Border Patrol agent, who suspected them of smuggling drugs. The Agent handcuffed them and put them in his patrol car while he searched the truck for marijuana. Unfortunately, he left his own car running, with the keys in the ignition, before leaving the three boys alone.

They, of course, promptly grabbed the steering wheel and drove the car straight back across the border to Mexico.

Well, you would, wouldn't you?

Mexican police located the patrol vehicle in a remote agricultural area near the border.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:53 AM | Permalink

China has banned sexually provocative sounds on air. They have also axed reality shows featuring sex changes and plastic surgery, and banned talent contests during prime-time.

Clever people, those Chinese.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:50 AM | Permalink

or so says police Lt. Bruce Ferguson in Lansing, Michigan.

He was moved to comment after a man tired of burglars nearly blew off his hand when bomb-like devices he set around his house exploded. After the explosions, Victor Iacobescu, 50, ran to a neighbor's house with a bloody towel wrapped around his right hand.

The police are planning to prosecute because they can't think of any legal reasons to be making bombs.

Play with fire, get burnt, my old mum used to say.

My Way

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:49 AM | Permalink

Wrestler Hulk Hogan's son. Nick Bollea, is no stranger to the law courts and, in his latest appearance, has been found guilty of driving at twice the legal limit in a construction zone. He was fined $1,000 and ordered to take a driver improvement course.

This is all far too late for his friend, John Graziano, who was critically injured in a more recent Bollea botch-up.

Seventeen-year old Bollea appears on the show Hogan Knows Best with his father and the rest of his family.

This particular Hogan obviously doesn't know best; perhaps the show should be renamed Bollea's Balls Ups.

Baynews 9

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:31 AM | Permalink