According to the arrest log at Sacramento County Sheriff's Department, Mickey Mouse was arrested twice within a one hour period this month - once for DUI and once for driving on a revoked license. The Mouse is described as a 47-year-old African American man standing 5-feet, 9-inches and weighing 190 pounds. He apparently lives in Anaheim, works as a bartender and goes under various aliases, including Donnie Duck and Buzz Lightyear. This is not The Mouse's first brush with the law - back in 2005, he was arrested on felony drunk driving charges.

You have to wonder that he didn't crack before really, it must cost a fortune keeping Minnie supplied with all those white shoes.

(Apparently, trainees learning to use the system make up names - hence Mickey's criminal record).

Sacbee.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:20 AM | Permalink

A Washington man who had paid a prostitute up-front for her services got a bit worried when she walked towards the door before any 'action' had taken place. So he attacked her (well it obviously seemed the logical next step to him). During the tussle, the man bit off a quarter-sized piece of the woman's ear, which he later threw in his garbage bin.

It turned out that the hooker was simply trying to get a better signal on her phone. Authorities retrieved the piece of ear from the garbage but doctors are not sure if they will be able to reattach it.

I hope she charged extra for having her ears nibbled.

NewsDaily

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:05 AM | Permalink

There's been a whole rash of drunks in charge of motor mowers lately - and here's another, this time from Michigan.

Frank Kozumplik had drunk two bottles of wine and fancied a drop more, so he rode to the nearest liquor store on his lawnmower, despite the snowstorm that meant he had to stick to the center of the street. When police caught up with him, Kozumplik was homeward bound, having bought four more bottles of wine. When questioned he told police that he had no choice other than to use the mower, as his wife had taken the car to work

With a blood alcohol level 2 1/2 times Michigan's legal driving limit of 0.08 percent, police had no choice but to arrest him and confiscate the mower.

The things some folk will do to get out of mowing the lawn.

Chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:56 AM | Permalink

When McMinn County Sheriff's Deputy Rick Shadrick spotted a car parked in the church parking lot early one Saturday morning, he pulled in to check it out.

He found Jennifer Hunt, 35, walking from behind the building, where she said she was going to bathroom. As she went off to her car to retrieve her ID, a crowbar dropped from her pants. Deputy Shadrick also discovered that Hunt had a screwdriver and that there were marks around the church doors - doesn't look good, does it? That's what the deputy thought too and Hunt was held on $2,000 bond pending arraignment.

Pity the culprit wasn't a man - then I could have used the old 'or are you pleased to see me line.' Ah well, never mind.

Yahoo

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:47 AM | Permalink

Twenty-year old Andreous Robinson was at a party with a group of friends when he decided to go out back and shoot a few rounds into the air. Thinking that he had discharged all the rounds, Mr Robinson then came back inside and, as a joke, put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

He hadn't discharged all the rounds.

Mr Robinson was pronounced dead on arrival at Parkland Memorial Hospital.

Okay, so Robinson wasn't a criminal but crime was involved in a similar incident that took place on the previous day: four men were involved in drinking and taking crack cocaine when one of the men accidentally shot dead another of the men.

At least Mr Robinson can rest in peace in the knowledge that Jesus loves him more than he will know, wo, wo, wo.

God rest you, please, Mr Robinson.

Dallas News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:25 AM | Permalink

From England:

When Geoffrey Jones rejected the advances of his 'on/off' girlfriend she took it hard. So hard, in fact, that she grabbed hold of his left testicle, pulled it off and tried to swallow it. Unable to swallow it, she spat the testicle out, whereupon it was picked up off the floor by a mutual friend and given back to the original owner with the immortal words, "that's yours."

The girlfriend, Amanda Monti, was jailed for two-and-a-half years. At 24 years of age she should have known better anyway; nice girls do not swallow.

Daily Telegraph

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:05 AM | Permalink

Now for somebody who obviously hasn't thought things through!

Bishop Metropolitan Isaiah, bishop for the Northwest region of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America, had parked his car in a well-lit spot before dining with others at a restaurant. Leaving the restaurant at 10 o'clock, Bishop Isaiah was upset to discover that the windows to his car had been smashed and the contents stolen.

Items taken included: a copy of the New Testament,; a veil; a cell phone; a black fabric bag - and a jeweled crown of gold and silver, which Isaiah estimated to be worth between $6,000 and $10,000.

Isaiah said the crown was the first gift he received as a bishop, 22 years ago, and that he felt lost without it.
At Vespers, Saturday night, he was the only priest with no head covering.

Don't let poor Bishop Isaiah suffer any more than necessary. If you are offered a jeweled crown of gold and silver, just think of that poor, crownless, bishop and report it - no matter how well it would go with your business suit.

Oh - and there's a $1,000 reward.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:58 AM | Permalink

The internet has made the life of freelancers much easier; one no longer needs to phone countless companies or produce expensive mail outs, instead the peripatetic worker goes to one of the online job boards and 'bids' on those jobs that match his skill-set.

Now though, it seems that these job boards have eased the life of contract-killers too!

When Ann Marie Linscott, 49, posted her freelance requirements on Craigslist she wasn't specific about what the job entailed. Imagine the shock of the successful applicants when they received the name and work address of a woman she wanted dead!

Linscott allegedly asked respondents to "eradicate a female living in Oroville, California," and supplied information about the intended victim, including her physical description, age and employment address.

Following the November ad posting, she twice offered payment of $5,000 upon completion of "the eradication task."

It was the successful candidates who reported Linscott to the authorities. Well, I don't blame them - $5,000 isn't much, even by the bottom-dollar standards of online freelance agencies.

CB5,cm

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:45 AM | Permalink

Channel Monae Gasking, a twenty-two year old would-be bank robber, was arrested on Wednesday after a passing police officer saw her waiting at for a bus. She matched the description of a robbery suspect and she was arrested.

Gasking went into a bank shortly after 1 p.m. on Wednesday and demanded money, although she did not show a weapon. When she had been given the bag of cash, she ran across a parking lot to a restaurant, where a dye bomb exploded, spraying orange-colored ink on her and the money.

Determined not to be thwarted, the girl left the restaurant and went into the bathroom of a nearby grocery store, where she changed into a clean set of clothes, stashing the orange ones plus the money there. Then she went and waited for her bus.

Apparently, Gaskin had done this before - she admitted that on Jan. 15, she robbed a bank in DeKalb County and then got on a bus.

Maybe she should have invested her profits from that raid in a car.

Comcast

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:05 AM | Permalink

In the sedate English market town of Market Rasen, forty-three year old Shirley Kirkman decided to make her feelings about the police known and she did so in a very impressive manner!

She pulled her knickers down and defecated in the back of the police van that had been sent to cart her to Lincoln police station following her assault on a police officer. Police officer Steven Lingard said: "We switched on the extractor fan and she was picking up her feces and putting it in the vents. This continued all the way to custody. At one point she stood up and urinated on the floor as well."

Kirkman, who didn't show for her court appearance was convicted, in her absence, with assaulting a police officer and causing criminal damage.

Her punishment for causing such a stink is likely to be a fine of around $600.

thisislincolnshire

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:51 AM | Permalink

Just a friendly word of warning here guys - if you must flash your wedding tackle to passing female motorists, make sure they're not driving a cop car first.

James Wayne Pritchard, aged 20, didn't bother to check when, in an attempt to impress his mates, he flashed his privates at an oncoming car, which just happened to be driven by an on-duty female police officer.

She can't have been very impressed because she busted him. He ended up being fined $450 and ordered he pay $130 court costs. Bet his mates were impressed with that.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:45 AM | Permalink

Salt Lake City detective, Dan Wendelboth, received the following unusual text message

"I have 10 Lortab 7.5"

Wendelboth replied to the text, asking for a price, together with instructions for a time and place when he could buy the medication - a prescription painkiller.

Carrie Brooker, 27, Christine Rollins, 42, and one other female, were arrested in a Wal-Mart parking lot when they arrived to sell their wares. One of the woman was busted for carrying the Lortabs and another was arrested for prescription forgery. Sadly, a two-year-old who was with one of the women is now in protective custody.

When they sent their spam, these women should have thought of the subtext. (sorry, couldn't resist).

NewsDaily

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:30 AM | Permalink

In Brazil human hair is, apparently, a valuable commodity, and the longer the hair the higher the value, so the Brazilian woman who had been growing her hair for twenty years shouldn't have been surprised that there was literally a price on her head. Cutting it off with a machete was, perhaps, a tad over the top, though.

The woman was walking to church when she was assaulted late on Tuesday; the robbers cut her hair above the shoulder with the idea of selling it to be fashioned into a wig. A police spokesman said, "a hairpiece that size could cost you as much as $555." The now short-haired woman told police she had received anonymous threats. She was not injured, but her assailants could be charged with battery if caught.

She should count herself lucky that her assailants were so accurate with that machete.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:12 AM | Permalink

Good grief, dumb rappers appear to be out for wold domination today.

An even more stupidly named rapper, Busta Rhymes, pleaded guilty on Wednesday to: assault, two driving infractions, and weapons possession. By entering a guilty plea he managed to avoid a trial and the yearlong prison sentence recommended by prosecutors.

Now, get this, Busta Rhymes' real name is Trevor Smith!

Despite his dumb name, Trev may not be so dumb after all because as well as that sneaky guilty plea he also groveled to the judge by saying: "I just want to say that I'm very grateful to the judge, I'm very grateful to the system. I believe in the system. It hasn't failed me personally yet." This from the guy who beat up a fan.

Perhaps this should be in the Dumb Justice section instead.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:05 AM | Permalink

I'm sure I've written about this guy before, I dunno - the names of all of them are equally as dumb. Anyway, rapper Lil Wayne has been arrested in southwestern Arizona on suspicion of possessing cocaine and ecstasy, as well as drug paraphernalia. The arrest happened when his charter bus was stopped at a California-Arizona border checkpoint. Border patrol agents stopped the bus at about 11:30 p.m. on Tuesday after a dog alerted them to possible drugs on board,

Now, I don't know about you but if I was a rapper with a previous record of drug and gun possession, and if I was crossing the state border, where there are bound to be guards and law enforcement agents of all sorts, I would not be found in possession of drugs. I'd have thought things through and made sure there was nothing on me at the critical time.

Maybe the drugs have addled his brain or maybe he was always stupid.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:55 AM | Permalink

In Berlin, it has been reported that a police vehicle worth $150,00, and equipped with two video cameras for trapping speeding motorists, has been stolen.

The unmarked police car was involved in a high-speed chase on Sunday when the car they were chasing crashed and the occupants abandoned it. In an effort not to lose their quarry, the two police officers jumped from the car, leaving the keys inside.

Imagine their amazement when, as they were hot-footing it in pursuit of the miscreants, they were overtaken by their own car.

earthtimes.org

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:29 AM | Permalink

No, that's not the sweet cry of a loving husband to his wife as he comes home from a day's work it's possibly the final words that 46-year-old Jose Estrada heard before he died.

You see, Estrada was in jail, sharing his cell with 19-year-old Benny Rochelle. Benny was, apparently, a growing lad who needed his food; when he suspected Estrada had stolen his Honey Bun snack, he sent his cell mate crashing headfirst onto the concrete floor. Estrada died two days later and Rochelle was convicted of second degree murder.

I wonder if, in defense, Rochelle pleaded 'tell 'em about the hunny, mummy.'

thestar.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:46 AM | Permalink

Okay, you've just done time for drunken driving and violating your probation, although, to your credit, you got off early for exemplary behavior. What's the first thing you do? Perhaps you just go home and chill out in the comfort of your own space, go see your mom - something harmless anyways.

That's not what Kiefer Sutherland did - oh no - he launched himself straight into a 24 hour drinking marathon with friends, even though he has been ordered by the court to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and is on probation for another five years.

Maybe the drink has addled his brain.

Daily Mail

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:55 AM | Permalink

A pair of thieves who plotted to get away with $30,000 ended up with a bag of bread rolls instead - and, as if that wasn't enough, one of the pair shot the other one, before using his keys to try and open a door to the wrong car.

Guess what they blamed it on? That's right, drugs. Oh, yeah - and a difficult childhood, and financial pressures.

They forgot to mention plain stupidity.

news.com.au

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:48 AM | Permalink

Well, perhaps thirty-years ago he was, but do underage children count?

Nevertheless, the sexual misdemeanors of film Director Roman Polanski are coming back to haunt him. A US filmmaker has released a film that deals with Polanski's conviction for having sex with a thirteen-year old that led to him fleeing the US.

"Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired" debuted this weekend at Sundance, the top U.S. event for independent movies, and already director Marina Zenovich's nonfiction film has secured a worldwide distribution deal from the powerful Weinstein Co.

Polanski, of course, has gone on to great heights but he has never returned to the US and he has never cleared his name. The director thinks that all men share a desire for young women.

Dumb or sick? You decide.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:57 AM | Permalink

Derrick Logan Dale has been charged with grand theft and criminal mischief but none of it's his fault - you see he has been caught in a loop. Literally.

Charged with stealing a $200 purse that contained a $400 cell phone and a $300 pair of prescription sunglasses, Dale's response was that the strap of the purse fell onto his foot and when he turned around it went with him. The next thing he knew, the purse was in his hands and he was being approached by two men who took the purse from him.

Not one to make things easy for himself, while Dale was sitting in the patrol car the deputy went to get statements from witnesses. While he was gone, Dale kicked out the back window. He's claustrophobic you see.

North West Florida Daily News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:51 AM | Permalink

...in a mortuary.

Ooops, sorry no, got that wrong. She's going to the morgue to learn what her addiction to drink and drugs could do to her.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:52 AM | Permalink

In England, police arrested a man when they found his fingerprints on the lock at the scene of a burglary. Admirable, eh?

Nope. The fingerprints belonged to locksmith, Lee Hicks, who had changed the locks AFTER the burglary had been committed.

Good old English law enforcement at its best.

The Sun who's headline I stole because it couldn't be bettered

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:46 AM | Permalink

A Berlin burglar may have given up his wicked ways for good after an experience he had last week.

He broke into a flat, but when he stumbled upon a corpse he had a fit of conscience and phoned the police. He said that he had just broken into a flat and found a dead body, gave the address of the flat, and then hung up. The deceased had probably been dead for a couple of weeks, so I suspect it smelled a bit in there. Whatever - the burglar hasn't been heard of since.

Not the sweet smell of success he had hoped for.

Metro.co.uk

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:38 AM | Permalink

When a woman realized her house was being burgled, she hid in the cupboard to make a whispered emergency call to the police. The last thing she expected was company, especially the company she actually got!

As the three robbers searched the house for valuables, they actually searched the cupboard in which the woman was hiding, hitting her boots and skirts in attempt to find something of value. They didn't look up to see that the boots they were hitting were being worn by the occupier of the cupboard!

Then the police arrived, and one of the would-be robbers decided to remain in the cupboard to avoid detection.

"He was just standing right next to me. I could have put my arms around him," said the victim. When the police were near, she screamed out and all three robbers were caught and are to be charged with aggravated robbery.

You never know who you'll meet in the closet nowadays, do you.

KUTV.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:29 AM | Permalink

A 47 year old man who, for the nearly twenty-seven years he served in jail insisted on his innocence, was telling the truth. Well, that's what the DNA evidence says, anyways.

Accused of rape, Charles Chatman was picked from a line-up by his alleged victim, who lived five doors away from him. At the time, Chatman says, he was toothless - a feature he thought would ensure that he could not be confused with the real assailant.

Well, he was confused and, if the news stories are anything to go by, so were the fourteen other 'criminals' in Dallas who have since been declared innocent thanks to DNA technology.

Not its not funny really is it - but it is noteworthy. Normal service resumed tomorrow!

Dallas News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:54 AM | Permalink

How do you get thirty policeman to go for a swim? You send one of them running across a frozen lake in pursuit of a robber. Well in Hungary you do, anyway.

In Sziglilget in West Hungary, Policewoman Ani Kosut was chasing a robber across a frozen lake when she fell through the ice. Help was, of course, summoned immediately but, as the newly arrived policemen tried to fish her out, they fell in as well and even more officers had to be called.

Thirty policemen ended up in the freezing waters before a team of fire fighters finally dragged them all to safety.

And, to add insult to injury, they didn't catch the robber.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:45 AM | Permalink

Kiwi, Richard Gunn, found a novel way to beat his driving ban for being DUI, he started to use his lawnmower to get round the town instead. With a top speed of 5mph, it wasn't a wonderful mode of transport and Gunn often found himself being overtaken by cyclists. Still, it was better than walking.

Better than walking, that is, until Gunn was once again caught DUI - this time he was drunk in charge of his lawnmower. Gunn is scheduled to appear in court later this week, facing charges of careless driving, driving while disqualified and driving with excess breath alcohol. If convicted, he faces a custodial sentence.

What's really cut him down to size though is the fact that police have impounded his lawn mower for 28 days.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:58 AM | Permalink

Blake Leak struck lucky when he stole a whole load of lottery tickets from a Minimart - a few of them actually won! He cashed in the tickets but, obviously deciding that the Minimart was lucky for him, he broke in again a few days later.

That's where his luck ran out. He made so much noise burglarizing the place that a neighbor called police - who chased him into nearby Sing Sing.

Yes, that's right, straight into the correctional facility.

Go to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200 - and you don't have a Get Out of Jail Free card either.

LoHud.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:52 AM | Permalink

You know, women just hate it when men refuse to argue - we get all uptight and frustrated. That is exactly what happened when 51-year-old Gayle Winfrey's boyfriend point blank refused to wake up and join in the argument. How thoughtless! Our Gayle got her own back though - by torching her sleeping lover's car; her piece de resistance, however, was when, having set the fire, she walked into the home and told old sleepy head that he might want to go get some marshmallows. Way to go Gale, I like it!

That dozy boyfriend of hers still refused to wake up though, leaving Gale to try and extinguish the fire alone. by that time the flames had really taken hold and the Fire Service had to assist.

Ms Winfrey was charged with Reckless Endangerment and Setting Fire to Personal Property, and then transported to the county jail for booking.

Surely, she will get off on the grounds of serious provocation?

Chattanooga TN

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:49 AM | Permalink

A man shot himself in the groin as he was robbing a convenience store, I assume it was an accident.

The man was carrying a semiautomatic handgun when he entered the Village Pantry last Tuesday and demanded cash and a pack of cigarettes. The clerk wasn't going in for heroics, so she put the cash in the bag and turned to get the cigarettes. That was when she heard the gun discharge.

The security video shows the man shooting himself as he placed the gun into the waistband of his pants and, a short time later, 25 year-old Derick Kosch was found to have a gunshot wound to his right testicle and lower left leg. He is expected to need hospital surgery. Oh, and he will be charged with armed robbery.

I wonder if he'll ever have the balls to try it again?

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:41 AM | Permalink

These are only sort of dumb criminals - we've all been in similar situations ('cept I, for one, haven't wielded a pistol!)

Police in Utah are on the look out for two men who stole beer, after not being allowed to pay for it. The two guys walked into the grocery store, picked up the beer and went to pay for it. As it was after 1 a.m. the clerk refused to sell it to them. So, I imagine in frustration, the men asked if they could steal the beer. The clerk's reply? "Yes, but Jesus is watching." The pair showed a pistol to the clerk, left $9 on the counter, and took the beer.

Now - they probably shouldn't have shown the pistol but, hell, they paid for the stuff. If they're caught, they stand to be charged with armed robbery.

P'raps Jesus had his eye on someone else at the time - I sorta hope so.

NewsDaily

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:24 AM | Permalink

In Manila, aviation police found 34 marijuana cigarettes in a man's underpants. The 55 year old, from Japan, said that he just wanted to experience smoking marijuana when he returned to Japan and had no intention of selling the drug. Sadly for him, the aviation police force weren't convinced with his tale and prevented him from flying. Then they turned him over to Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency officers for further investigation.

Well, on this occasion at least, the man didn't get high!

Earth Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:18 AM | Permalink

Ronald LaPlaca of Port Charlotte appeared in court on drug charges last week - nothing unusual in that, happens every day of the week.

Ah! But the sheer stupidity of LaPlaca is far from ordinary - I mean, come on, if you're up on drug charges, you appear before the judge clean, sober, and looking like an upright citizen. Not LaPlaca, he was so drunk and stoned that he could barely stand upright. Then, to make matters worse, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a baggy. Surprise, surprise - it was filled with crack cocaine, together with $4000 in cash.

Silly boy.

Wink News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:14 AM | Permalink

If this bank robber wanted to draw attention to himself, then carrying a bouquet of pink flowers was a good move. However, what bank robber wants to draw attention to themselves?

Oh, he was wearing a fur-lined military parka as well! No distinguishing details to this guy then.

The man approached a teller at the TCF Bank last week and, along with the flowers, he was carrying a black canvas bag - and gun. When he demanded money, his breath apparently stank of alcohol.

I know exactly what's happened here - the guy's gone out after work and had a drink or two and has bought the bouquet to pacify 'her indoors.' Now, flowers will get most women to forgive most things - but bank robbery? Nope.

Startribune

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:06 AM | Permalink

A 19 year old who had been banned from carrying ammunition was found to be hiding it in his rectum when he was pulled over by the police.

In the vehicle itself the police found - wait for it - crack cocaine and marijuana. My bet is that the boy was so stoned on marijuana that he inserted the bullets into his rectum instead of the cocaine.

The boy has been charged with possession of crack cocaine, numerous breaches of bail conditions and carrying ammunition when prohibited. A 51 year old man who was traveling with him has also been charged and police are looking for a third man. Perhaps they should investigate the 51 year old's rectum?

TheSpec.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:38 AM | Permalink

A 51 year old Honolulu man has been arrested for spray painting a police officer - after she tried to arrest him for spray painting a road.

The man had been spotted spray painting a roadway in front of a shopping center and a female officer tried to stop him, which was when he sprayed her with gold paint.

He was eventually subdued with pepper spray.

Lot's of spraying going on around here, maybe its a religious revival, you know, let us pray.

KITV

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:29 AM | Permalink

In New Zealand, a drunken young guy thought it would be fun to play policeman. So, he put on a stolen high-viz jacket and set up a checkpoint. Sounds like a good game. Unfortunately, there was a small error of judgment when our inebriated friend attempted to breath test the driver of a marked police car.

Ah well, it probably seemed like a good idea the time.

For more dumb New Zealand criminals follow the link:

Kiwi criminals no masterminds

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:22 AM | Permalink

Despite being under investigation for tax fraud, Blade actor, Wesley Snipes, paid no federal taxes on the $37.9 million he earned between1999 to 2004. To make matters worse, during the six years Snipes failed to file income tax returns or pay taxes, he also tried to get fraudulent refunds from the IRS totaling $11.3 million for taxes he paid in 1996 and 1997.

The trial is due to begin on Monday in Ocala, Florida.

Snipes has played the race card before, don't think betting on black will bring him any luck this time.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:06 AM | Permalink

An inmate who twice escaped from the Pueblo County jail filed a federal lawsuit Thursday, alleging that guards abused him and didn't do enough to stop him from breaking out.

The lawsuit, which seeks an unspecified amount of money, claims authorities "did next to nothing to ensure that the jail was secure and that the Plaintiff could not escape." Reading between the lines I suspect that what Scott Anthony Gomez, Jr. (the escapee) is really saying is that, if he wasn't subjected to abuse, he wouldn't try so hard to escape.

That's where the Dumb Justice tag comes in.

But, Gomez, who claims that that guards have sprayed him with pepper spray, shot him with a stun gun, and beaten and kicked him without provocation, needs to get realistic here. With this history, it is highly likely that guards will take an almost failsafe move to prevent another escape - by breaking both of his legs.

The Denver Channel

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:33 AM | Permalink

Twenty-year-old Stephen West was due to appear in court for alleged breach of license conditions, when really he should be appearing on charges of extreme stupidity.

As he walked through security checks at Wigan Magistrates Court, West pulled a lump of cannabis resin from his pocket and asked security officers what he should do with it while he went into the hearing. The very bemused officers advised that West's cannabis be left with them for safe-keeping; not only did West agree to this course of action, he even signed his name on a receipt that confirmed that he was the owner of the dope.

West pleaded guilty to possession of the Class C drug and was fined $100 and ordered to pay $96 court costs.

Do you think that's why it's called dope?!

Wigan News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:57 AM | Permalink

A railroad company has issued a driver with a minor summons for obstructing a railroad crossing, saying that he and his rental company would be liable for the damage caused by the obstruction, which can be estimated in the hundreds of thousands of dollars range.

A computer consultant inadvertently caused the obstruction by driving a rental car onto train tracks, as per the instructions his GPS unit gave him. A train was rushing headlong toward him, but he escaped in time and no one was injured.

A Metro-North Spokesman tells us that, following the GPS instructions, the driver had turned right and the car somehow got stuck on the tracks at the crossing. He jumped out and waved at the engineer in an attempt to warn him but the train slammed into the car at 60 mph, pushing it 100 feet down the track.

Five hundred passengers were stranded for more than 2 hours and 250 feet of rail track were damaged.

Hey, I know that this guy should have relied on what his eyes told him, rather than what the GPS said but I kinda think he's been punished enough. The threat of having to compensate the rail company to the tune of hundreds of thousands of dollars just serves to rub salt into his wounds. Or should that be gravel into his knees?

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:17 AM | Permalink

A Des Moines man, who called police several times to complain about visiting in laws, has ended up in jail on a $1,300 bond.

William Foster was arrested on charges of simple assault on a police officer and false reports to law enforcement authorities. Things started going bad for foster when his common-law-wife was in hospital and her relatives came to stay. An officer reports that, "All parties were extremely agitated and continued to argue loudly despite our repeated attempts to calm them. In our presence, Foster threatened to kill one of the ladies."

Because the in laws were invited guests, police said there was nothing they could do and left Foster to get on with it. However, he called police a further seven times, at one time reporting that he was being repeatedly hit on the head with a skillet.

Eventually the frustrated police arrested Foster, taking him to hospital to get his physical injuries treated before taking him on to jail. Call me cynical, but I suspect that the trip to jail and the apparent non-punishment of Foster's abusive in laws had something to do with that 'simple assault on a police officer.'

Has anybody reported this family to Jerry Springer I wonder - he'd love 'em..

Des Moines Register

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:02 AM | Permalink

Crystal Timpanaro, who was watching her boyfriend play golf in Summer 2006, is suing the Owl's Creek Golf Course for $1 million. The lawsuit claims that the poor design of holes 16 and 17 were responsible for her being felled by an errant golf ball; it also claims that Owl's Creek should have warned golf spectators about the hazards of the sport.

Sadly for Timpanaro, the direct hit to her left temple and eye left her seriously injured but, come on, every adult knows that playing golf entails hitting hard little balls into the air and that, sometimes, hard little balls don't go where they're supposed to!

Timpanaro's lawyer, Haig Kalbian, says, "There's a defect in the way the course is laid out and maintained. But for that, she may not have been hit by an errant golf ball."

Personally, I think the course's main defect is that they allow entrance to idiots like Timpanaro; the only design fault around here is the one in Timpanaro's brain!

Seemingly, Timpanaro is not the only idiot around - according to some reports, injuries and property damage from errant golf balls have prompted lawsuits across the country.

Back to Timpanaro herself - perhaps she should find a boyfriend who doesn't play with his hard little balls.

Hamptonroads.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:33 AM | Permalink

which is more than can be said for the cycle wheels on the park bike trail at Laguna Park, California.

Warren John Wilson faces a single felony count of vandalism after making nearly 50 holes measuring about 1 foot by 2 feet on the trail as revenge for almost being run over by a mountain bike rider. He tried to obscure several holes from cyclists and some riders went over their handlebars after hitting them, but no major injuries were reported.

Maybe the felon should be renamed Warring John Wilson. I certainly wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of him!

My Way

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:47 AM | Permalink

Two former jail inmates were back behind bars again on Sunday after allegedly robbing two banks last month for bail money to get a third inmate out of jail. The scheme was briefly successful, netting the pair $10,000 - enough to get their buddy released.

Sadly for the trio, released man, Kenyon Grady Cox, broke the terms of his bail by removing his monitoring device, resulting in a warrant being issued for his arrest. Fugitive officers spotted Cox, together with bank robbers Thomas Leon Jochum Junior and Donald Mark Scott leaving a pawn shop. Leon and Scott were arrested but Cox escaped, only to be arrested a short while later.

Either Jochum or Scott confessed to police they had robbed a bank in Saginaw on Dec. 20 and another in Blue Mound on Dec. 22. and a pellet gun found at the scene of the pawn shop arrest was not unlike the one that was used in the robberies.

As court records show that all three of these men were facing sex charges, I don't think that the bank robberies had anything whatsoever to do with friendship. More likely, the two have worked out that robbers have a much easier time in jail than pedophiles. Quite right too.

KWTX

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:10 AM | Permalink

Now, we are all aware that pit bulls are dangerous dogs but a Memphis police officer has discovered a whole new hazard associated with the breed.

As part of a five-man team investigating car thefts, the officer knocked on the door of a home near the airport; the owner's response was to set loose his pit bull terrier. The officer tried to shoot at the dog, but ended up shooting himself in the foot. Following the episode, three people have been taken into custody and two pit bulls were taken away by animal control.

Oh, dear, life really is the pits sometimes, isn't it?

Eyewitness News

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Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:59 AM | Permalink

It wasn't Judith Law's most prudent action when she invited Circuit Judge Diane Goodstein to kiss her butt, even though the Judge wasn't present at the time. In September 2005, Law admitted violating her probation, which resulted in Goodstein reinstating the five-year sentence.

When signing the probation revocation order, Law's frustration caused her to tell the judge what she could kiss. Under normal circumstances the document would not go back to the judge, but when this one did and Judge Goodstein ordered a hearing. Law was found in contempt and sentenced to 90 days on top of her remaining sentence.

Law challenged the ruling, saying the contemptuous behavior did not happen in the Judge's presence, but the appeals court responded to Law's challenge thus: "No matter where Law signed the revocation order, her conduct was in the presence of the judge."

Oh dear - It seems that, in the case, Law really was an ass!

Chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:18 AM | Permalink

For the benefit of non-UK residents, Jeremy Clarkson is the high profile presenter of Top Gear, a television program dedicated to luxury cars and high speed antics. He is also the self-proclaimed voice of reason.

Commenting on the recent government scandal concerning the loss of CDs containing the banking details of seven million people, Clarkson branded the whole event a "storm in a teacup," and the issue of identity theft a scam.

To underline his comments that our financial details were made public with every check we write, Clarkson went to the extraordinary length of publishing his own bank account details, including sort code and account number, in The Sunday Times (the biggest selling quality Sunday newspaper in the UK). To hammer the point home, he also gave details of how to find his home address, together with details of the car he drives.

Surprise, surprise - Clarkson has lost at least $1,000 after an unidentified reader set up an automatic payment from his account to the British Diabetic Association. Well, at least it is a charity that's called the bluffer's bluff. To make matters worse for Mr Clarkson (but a whole lot more amusing for the rest of us), the Data Protection Act means that the bank cannot identify the culprit, neither can they stop it happening again.

I'll leave the last words to motor mouth himself:

"Contrary to what I said at the time, we must go after the idiots who lost the discs and stick cocktail sticks in their eyes until they beg for mercy."

Press Association

About Jeremy Clarkson

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 02:54 AM | Permalink

This one from England:

Feeling a bit peckish, Amber McCarthy decided to grab one of those small boxes of cereal from the bar of the hotel where she was staying before she went about her daily business. Unfortunately, her daily business involved stealing cash from the register of the florist shop next door to the hotel. As she stole the cash, McCarthy accidentally scattered the cereal, thus creating a perfect trail from the scene of the crime back to her hotel room.

When police followed the trail they found McCarthy herself, along with cash and flowers - she admitted the burglary and three others and got a three-year supervision order.

She should have got porridge.

The Sun

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:42 AM | Permalink

An 18-year-old new driver took on more than he could chew when he tried to involve the driver of a Chevrolet Impala in a race. The Impala had tinted windows, which may be why the boy didn't noticed the uniformed police officer at the wheel, although I'm inclined to think that the real reason was that he was too busy acting tough.

The Impala was an unmarked police car and the young driver tried repeatedly to get the uniformed officer to race, not allowing him to pass and traveling at higher and higher speeds. When the speed reached 160 km/ph, the officer stopped the youth out of concern for his safety.

The officer said, "He was playing tough guy until he got stopped. Then he cried until his parents got there." The young man’s license has been suspended and the car impounded for a week.

The car was, in fact, his parents' new car, so I suspect they gave him something to cry about!

The Star

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:54 AM | Permalink

I hear that in Idaho Falls there is a thief of very little brain indeed. On a stolen videotape, our handkerchief-wearing thief taped message for his victim: pay a $3,000 ransom, and you can get your video games back. There was just one problem. The burglar forgot to include any instructions for dropping off the cash.

Well, actually, there was more than one problem. The other problem was that, although the message had been recorded back in November, the victim only got round to watching the entire tape last week. The original content of the tape was the birth of the woman's child, part of which has now been over-recorded. Imagine the horror of seeing a handkerchief wearing moron appearing between your legs, rather than the longed-for baby!

The burglar stole the woman's video games, a compact disc player, camera equipment, clothing and a video camera. What he really needs to steal, of course, is a brain.

Seattlepi.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:23 AM | Permalink

Dylan Sczechowicz, 22, was charged with disorderly conduct and public drunkenness after getting stuck in a kitchen vent.

Keen to continue celebrating after being thrown out of a bar on Monday night, Sczechowicz attempted to re-enter via a greasy kitchen vent. To help in his endeavors, he stripped from the waist down. I'm not too sure what assistance partial stripping would have been and it seems I'm right to doubt its efficacy - our New Year reveler got stuck half-way in (or half-way out, I suppose). It was several hours before a screaming Sczechowicz was found; he was freed by local firefighters.

Pantless and covered in cooking grease, it's a wonder nobody stuffed an apple up his bum and roasted him for New Year's Day dinner.

Pocono Record

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:00 AM | Permalink

When Perry Campbell's mother-in-law asked him to move his beer so that she could see the television screen, he got angry; very angry. So angry, in fact, that he bit her finger. She suffered minor injuries - and she called the police.

I suspect he washed the taste from his mouth with another swig of beer.

wet.mtv

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:19 AM | Permalink

Britney Spear's law firm, Trope and Trope, have asked to be relieved as her attorneys. The firm says there’s been a "breakdown" in communication with her that makes their representation of her "impossible." They will be the third legal team since the Fall of 2007 to part company with the pop princess.

Ah well, maybe it'll be fourth time lucky.

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:09 AM | Permalink

In British pantomimes, which are staged in virtually every town and village over the festive period, it is traditional for the villain to be 'betrayed' by the children in the audience. To do this, whenever the villain appears on the stage, the children try to tell the good guy where he is by shouting out his location - most frequently, the shout will be "He's Behind You!"

The villain in our next story could have done with a group of children telling him where the good guy was.

Would-be-robber Adam Grennan didn't notice the uniformed police officer standing behind him in the queue for the teller - a uniformed officer who was about to draw his weapon and place Grennan under arrest.

In fact, Grennan was so focused on his imminent crime that he didn't even notice that the police officer was actually talking about him, saying, "he doesn't realize I'm behind him, he's focused on actually getting the money."

The police officer was actually on a break at the time but was alerted to Grennan's suspicious behavior by the assistant manager. When the officer arrived in the lobby, Grennan had passed over his note over to the teller, who handed over a stack of bills before saying, "He's trying to rob me."

Ah, nothing like a good pantomime at Christmastime!

UPI

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:24 AM | Permalink

James Miller is a burglary suspect who planned to escape with the help of his girlfriend; he is also a kiss-and-tell merchant.

He may well have planned a great escape but we will never know - because he forgot a crucial factor in the planning process. He laid optimistic plans to escape during his court appearance by getting his girlfriend to pass him a handcuff key either during a hug or kiss. The girlfriend was complicit in these plans - which were discussed over the phone.

On admission to the jail, inmates are warned that telephone conversations are private. Which bit of that sentence do you think Miller misunderstood?

Miller was being held on an original charge of heroin possession and was a suspect in several store burglaries; he has now additionally been charged with attempted escape and conspiracy. His girlfriend, Theresa Fougere, was arrested on charges of attempting to aid a felon to escape; during the interview, she gave the key to police.

One should never kiss and tell!

On another note, maybe this should be Dumb Justice - how the hell did she get that key?

Chron.com

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:11 AM | Permalink

Persistently unlucky Ernesto Ponce is a man who obviously doesn't learn from his mistakes, no matter how recent they are. The 19 year old stole three vehicles in the space of a couple of hours but never got further than the nearest police station.

Ponce (what an unfortunate name!) had to switch the first vehicle, a 2005 GMC pickup, when the tires blew. Undaunted, he then allegedly took a 1998 Subaru Legacy that was parked in a driveway - yet another bad choice because, after only 15 minutes, the Subaru's engine overheated and burst into flames.

Enter the Good Samaritan, who was driving past in his 2007 Dodge pickup. Not one to ignore a man in trouble, Jeff Herbert pulled over to help. Ponce metaphorically kicked Herbert in the teeth by stealing his car, only to have his getaway tires ripped to shreds five minutes later by the spike strips set out by police officers.

Two tires were flattened and the stolen Dodge slid into a ditch, allowing officers to take Ponce into custody. The suspect was lodged at the Douglas County Jail on charges of unauthorized use of a vehicle, first-degree criminal mischief and reckless driving.

Winston Police Chief Scott Gugel suggests that Ponce was "just trying to trade up on stolen cars."

Well, in trying to pick up a free ride, Ponce lost his Legacy and couldn't Dodge jail.

News Review

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:30 AM | Permalink

A carjacker took on more than he bargained for when he tried to steal a ride in Tracy Hancock's car. Hancock had left her mother in the car while she went to buy provisions at a convenience store. Seeing his opportunity, the carjacker got into the car, telling Hancock's mother, Pat Wells, that he needed a ride. However, grandmother of eight Wells was no pushover! For the first minute or so of her ordeal, there was a power struggle as the stranger put the key into the ignition and she took it out again but, eventually, the carjacker managed to start the car.

Grandma Wells says she knew she was in for the ride of her life as the man floored the gas and drove off in a dangerous manner; she said, "I turned the key off, grabbed the wheel and tried to go over the embankment to try to keep him from going on the interstate." But the man kept going until Grandma offered him $40 to stop, which worked like a charm.

Then, in a coup de gras, Grandma Wells pulled a pen from her purse, saying, "Look, if you do don't stop this car and get out I am going to stab you in the eye with this ink pen and I'm serious'' Crisis over, the man simply got out of the car.

Unfortunately, the man escaped - I would have loved to hear his side of the story.

Finally, no matter how I've tried to resist, it simply has to be said, the pen is mightier than the sword!

News4jax

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:01 AM | Permalink