Life wasn't easy for the clerk in the convenience store. A steady trudge of customers, all of them convinced they were the only ones to need service, all of them in too much of a hurry to pass the time of day with the lowly store assistant. Things couldn't really get any worse. Could they?

Yup!

Just after midnight a man walked in and demanded money. When our poor, lowly clerk refused, the man snatched a banana from the counter and started hitting the clerk with it.

You know, everybody has their threshold, and our clerk had reached his. He drew a knife. Banana man split.

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:55 AM | Permalink

A man dressed as a penis disrupted graduation day at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center. Allegedly, Calvin Morett brought a halt to proceedings as diplomas were being handed out by marching across the stage wearing an inflatable six foot penis costume. He was, apparently, easy to catch because he kept tripping over his balls. The inflatable ones that is.

The upstanding young man was ticketed for disorderly conduct, a violation, and will face the charges in City Court on Tuesday.

Times Union

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:46 AM | Permalink

Dr Jan Adam is the doctor who performed cosmetic surgery on the mother of rap artist Kanye West, Dr Donda West. Dr West died last year from complications that developed after her surgery.

Apparently Jan Adams' medical license has expired. Not only that, yesterday he was arrested for driving up a ramp the wrong way.

I can't quite work out how you drive up a ramp the wrong way, perhaps you have to be drunk to work that one out, which is exactly what happened in this case. Adams has been charged with DUI having failed a field sobriety test and being found to be driving on a suspended license. He is currently being held at the Solano County Jail.

There is no way I would let somebody who can't tell one end of a ramp from the other take a scalpel to my nose!

Stupid Celebrities

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:29 AM | Permalink

A man stands accused of stabbing his mother in the back with a dinner fork, clubbing another woman over the head with a 10-pound frozen chicken, and resisting arrest by Jackson County police officers. The man is currently residing at Jackson County Jail.

Personally, I blame the parents.

It's obvious, isn't it, that if the mother had fulfilled her motherly duties and had cooked the chicken, her son would have had something tastier to stab with his fork.

Michigan Live

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:52 AM | Permalink

The woman from Myrtle Beach who reported her car stolen shouldn't have been surprised really.

She loaned the car, a 2008 Kia Spectra , to a man she met in a parking lot. After chatting for twenty minutes or so, the man, who was accompanied by two prostitutes, asked if he might borrow the woman's car to go buy some crack cocaine. He couldn't pay her cash but offered her some cocaine in exchange for the car loan , saying that he would return the following night.

She's still waiting.

Myrtle Beach Online

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:43 AM | Permalink

A man found asleep in his motorized wheelchair on a northern Australian highway has been charged with drunk driving.

The man was spotted by police officers on Friday morning as they passed by the exit lane near the city of Cairns. Other motorists swerved to get around the man, who was slumped in the stationary chair right on the exit lane.

When breath tested, the 64 year registered a blood alcohol reading of over six times the legal limit and he was charged with operating a vehicle while drunk. He has been ordered to report to court on July 7.

Apparently, the man was making the nine-mile trip to from his home to his friend's house. He faces a stiff penalty - and to get over it he will, of course, need a stiff drink.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:43 AM | Permalink

I was tempted to classify this as Dumb Celebrity, but it would have been a little disingenuous.

God has been arrested in Tampa, Florida, and charged with selling cocaine.

God Lucky Howard has been under investigation since last month but he was eventually arrested on Saturday after allegedly attempting to sell cocaine to undercover detectives. A subsequent search of his home uncovered a further 22 grams of the drug together with a set of scales.

Records show God was charged with several counts of drug possession and distribution. His charges were increased because he was selling his wares within 1,000 feet of a church.

God might want to rethink his middle name - Lucky doesn't really cut it, does it?

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:29 AM | Permalink

Eighteen officers from London's Metropolitan Police Force, the largest force in Britain, have been handed written warnings for bragging on a Facebook site about crashing cars and hitting pedestrians.

The policemen joked about injuring members of the public on a site called Look I’ve Had a Pocol – slang for police collision.

Before it was disbanded in January, the site had 200 members located around the world. One pictured showed a police vehicle in an accident with a small white car, along with the comment, "I did him a favour. At 82 years old you just shouldn’t be on the road and if you are, then most certainly don’t go through a green light into the path of an innocent police car."

Another entry read, "Ran over a drunk. I believe he has a permanent limp and a hefty payout. I was given a three-month holiday from job driving. Ooh, bummer."

Ah, makes me proud to be British!

The Times

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:29 AM | Permalink

IT'S NEVER A GOOD IDEA TO UPSET THE CHEF!

Former restaurant cook, Ryan Kropp, has been charged with a felony of placing foreign objects in edibles, for which he faces a possible jail sentence of three-and-a-half years. The foreign objects were his pubic hairs.

Kropp was fired, along with another cook, following an incident back in February; when a manager asked a customer how his steak was, the customer remarked that it was overdone. However, he had almost finished eating it and declined the offer of a new steak.

But the manager must have just attended a customer service seminar or something, because he insisted on having Kropp prepare a new steak, medium rare, for the customer to take home.

The following day, after finding hair in his medium rare steak, the customer called the restaurant and police.

A second kitchen worker told police Kropp had put a slit in the cooked steak and pushed something inside, saying, "These are my pubes."

Kropp said that, in fact, it was his facial hairs he had put in steak and he did it because he thought the customer was trying to get stuff for free.

Wherever they came from, they were short and curly. Moral: don't ever complain in a restaurant; they don't just spit in your coffee, they put pubes in your food too.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:09 AM | Permalink

But, the way things are going for rapper, 50 Cent, may soon represent the state of his finances as well as his name.

Earlier this month, New York judge ordered 50 Cent not to sell the $2.4 million property where his ex-girlfriend, Shaniqua Tompkins, lived with their son. The property was destroyed by fire, which police were investigating as 'suspicious.' It wasn't all bad - Tompkins was ordered to pay the rapper, real name Curtis Jackson, $4,500 in rent for staying in the house during its final month.

Now the rapper has been ordered to surrender any guns he might have after a judge on Friday issued a temporary restraining order requested by Tompkins.

It was only 5 years ago that 50 Cent released his debut album, but since then he has built a business with a record label, a clothing and footwear line, ring tones and video games. He has also starred in a movie based on his life, "Get Rich or Die Tryin' "

Now is that life imitating art, or vice versa?

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:51 AM | Permalink

NOW WE HAVE A MAN HIDING IN A WOMAN'S COUCH!

The 22 year old New York woman got more than she bargained for when she sat on her couch last Wednesday evening; as she sat down, she felt a bump in the cushions. And the bump moved.

She jumped up (well, you would, wouldn't you) and David Joe Limones, who had cut a hole in the couch and was hiding in the carved out space, emerged, knocking a cell phone out of the woman's hand as he did so.

The woman had filed an earlier complaint against Limones and, when she entered her apartment, she was on the phone because she was worried he might lying in wait for her. Very sensibly, she had asked the friend to stay on the line and call police if something went wrong.

When officers arrived, they found Limones and the the woman arguing on the balcony.

Limones, 27, faces burglary and other charges. He is being held on $20,000 bail. Next time you go searching down the back of the couch for spare change, think on!

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 12:52 PM | Permalink

British supermodel, Naomi Campbell, has avoided jail for her Heathrow air-rage incident, despite pleading guilty to assaulting two police officers back in April. Instead of six months in prison and a $9,800 fine, Ms Campbell has been ordered to do 200 hours of community service and to pay compensation of around $400 to one of the police officers, $300 to the flight captain, and $4,600 in fines.

This isn't the first time that Campbell has done community service, of course, last year in New York she mopped floors and cleaned toilets for five days.

She also took anger management classes. They didn't work.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:48 AM | Permalink

John Christopher Williams is well known to police and often fails to show up for court appearances, which usually leads to a warrant for his arrest.

Nothing was out of the ordinary yesterday then, when police turned up at Williams' home and arrested him; that is, nothing was out of the ordinary until the bad boy was checked into the cells. There, wrapped neatly around his penis, prison guards discovered nine grams of marijuana.

Williams, claiming that it had all been a misunderstanding, was sentenced to 30 days in prison.

Metro

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 11:40 AM | Permalink

MAKE LEMONADE!

The young girl wasn't going to let the crook get away easily. He had stolen $17.50 from her lemonade stand and she went after him, chasing him into a nearby home before calling police. It took an hour of coaxing before the thief , 18 year old Steve Tryon, surrendered. He was arrested on a preliminary felony charge of robbery and jailed, scheduled to appear in court Tuesday.

What a guy - stealing from kids then being too frightened to come out of hiding.

The kids said they would continue to sell lemonade, but with an adult's supervision.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 10:03 AM | Permalink

A British woman with a bad wig arrived at an airport in Norway on Sunday, in fact, the wig was so bad customs officials felt the need to examine it more closely.

Sure enough, beneath the wig authorities found 2.2 pounds of cocaine glued to the woman's real hair. It was glued so tightly that it had to be removed in hospital.

The smack head is being held until July 15, pending a formal indictment and trial.

First Coast News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:50 AM | Permalink

When Frank Keys was pulled over for a traffic violation, he was ordered out of the car and patted down. Officers reportedly felt a "large, hard object in the pants area." It wasn't what you think though, in fact, I don't imagine that Keys could have been any less pleased to see the feds. You see, that large hard object was more 200 grams of heroin! Keys was storing it in a diaper he was wearing.

Your mother was right - always ensure you're wearing clean undergarments when you leave home; certainly don't go out with a diaper full of shit!

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:20 AM | Permalink

Do you remember that story about the woman who got stuck to the toilet after refusing to leave the bathroom for two years? After having sat on the toilet continually for a month, she had sores that would stick to the seat, making it impossible for her to get up. At the time, the sheriff requested that the county attorney charge her boyfriend, Kory McFarren for mistreatment of a dependent adult.

Well, at his court appearance yesterday, McFarren pleaded no contest to mistreating his girlfriend, he also pleaded no contest to an unrelated charge of lewd and lascivious behavior, which stemmed from an incident in March in which he allegedly exposed himself to a minor.

Hell, he was probably just having a pee - after all, he couldn't use the john!

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:45 AM | Permalink

When Luigi Folliero had served one year of a two-year prison sentence, the authorities released him for jail intending for him to serve the second year of his sentence for theft under house arrest.

Unfortunately, poor Luigi just couldn't hack it. After only two days, at home he fled back to the jail, near Naples, Ponte and pleaded to go back in his old cell because he could not stand being at home with his wife.

He told prison officers, "She never stops moaning and nagging."

Well, if he can't do the time, he shouldn't have done the crime, should he. I think he should be sentenced to another 20 years under house arrest; a pretty standard sentence in most marriages.

Ananova

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:31 AM | Permalink

If ever you're in Singapore and have a yen to sniff the armpits of passing women - don't do it! On Friday, a Singapore native who had a thing about sniffing women's armpits was sentenced to 14 years in jail and 18 strokes of the cane. Mind you, he did have previous convictions for sex-offenses and, apparently, he is mentally unstable.

Having spent a blissful 15 months sniffing at the armpits of women he met in lifts, on staircase landings, and in their own homes, the snooping snuffler was finally apprehended when a housewife reported him to the police.

In Singapore, caning on the buttocks is an additional punishment for male criminals who have committed offences ranging from vandalism to illegal possession of drugs and rape.

Reuters

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:16 AM | Permalink

Linda Hogan is showing no mercy to her soon to be ex-husband,wrestler Hulk Hogan; she has asked that Terry Bollea, aka Hulk Hogan, be held in contempt of court until he has paid his agreed share of their $4.2 million condominium in Las Vegas.

Mrs Hogan has already deposited her share of the money towards the condo. The condo was in escrow when the Hogans filed their divorce papers. The court order requested for both Hogans to close the deal and place the property into their common community lot.

She's not without heart though, she wants Hulk jailed in Pinellas County, where their son, Nick Hogan, was jailed.

Stupid Celebrities Gossip

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 09:15 AM | Permalink

Now, if you don't know who Scott Storch is, let me enlighten you - he is the music producer and songwriter partially responsible for the success of Mariah Carey and Christine Aguiliera. But let's not hold that against him, the boy's in a bit of trouble - there is a warrant out for his arrest due to his failure to pay $500,000 in back taxes. He also owes $100,000 in back payments on child support.

In 2007, Vanessa Bellido claimed that Storch was the biological father of her sixteen year old son; the composer acknowledged his paternity and made payments until Jan. 2008. Vanessa made an emergency petition for child support as she claimed that her son had to sleep on a couch in their shared room. He also gave his son a car that has since been repossessed.

Maybe Storch could make an emergency petition for support because he is sleeping on a couch in a shared room - I'm sure Ms Bellido would be happy to help.

Stupid Celebrities Gosip

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 08:34 AM | Permalink

A man in Connecticut found a raw roasting chicken by the roadside on Monday morning. I'm not going to worry myself about why he would be picking up raw roasting chickens from the roadside, it might take me places I don't want to go.

Anyway, back to the chicken. This wasn't any ordinary chicken, this chicken had an interesting extra - a pipe bomb was stuffed inside it. The bomb squad was called and they blew up the chicken with a controlled explosion.

Go figure.

MSNBC

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:50 AM | Permalink

Well it was for this unfortunate burglar...

George Watson, the intended victim of the burglary, was having a leisurely bath when he heard a "scream, a roar and a commotion" coming from his back garden. Wrapped only in a towel, he rushed outside to see what was happening, only to see somebody making a quick getaway in a van. Apart from Watson's very agitated three-year-old English mastiff, all that was left behind was a torn t-shirt.

Watson can only assume that the dog, who goes by the name of Cromwell, tore the shirt from the thief's back to stop him stealing the family's lawnmower, which had been taken from the shed and left by the gate.

Cromwell weighs in at just under 22 stones, and he could be the world's heaviest English mastiff. The thief obviously got off lightly.

Daily Mail

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:29 AM | Permalink

From English tabloid paper, The Sun, comes the news that troubled singer Amy Winehouse is employing 5 minders for her imprisoned husband, Blake, at a cost of £1,000 a week. Blake Fielder-Civil is on remand at Pentonville jail awaiting his trial for assault.

Winehouse is, allegedly, also funding a continuing supply of cocaine and heroin to her husband while he is locked up.

The news comes hot on the heels of yet another video showing the couple taking drugs and having sex in public.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 07:15 AM | Permalink

OR WILL THAT JUST GLAMORIZE THEM?

You wouldn't have classified a three-hole-punch as a lethal weapon, would you? But on Saturday a teenager answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted with two mask-wearing robbers, one of whom was carrying a black gun. The other robber was carrying a three-hole paper puncher.

I suppose the boy was lucky that, as they demanded money, they used the paper punch to beat him with, rather than resort to the gun. Anyway, they got his cash and made off in an unknown direction - I suspect they made off to accounts payable and will send him a receipt.

Sun Sentinel

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:59 AM | Permalink

THIS SHOULD CONVINCE YOU!

Homeless 19 year old Calvin Robinson spent $100 on a color copier and paper to make counterfeit money; he needed the money so he could buy $90 worth of marijuana.

It was on Wednesday last that security officers at a shopping mall noticed a man had been locked in the third-floor bathroom for more than an hour. They got the door open, only to find a color copier sitting on the floor and sheets of paper printed with uncut $10 bills; Robinson said he used the bathroom because he needed somewhere with an electrical outlet.

Robinson made an initial court appearance Thursday in Spokane County District Court, where bail was set at $15,000 - I hope they didn't confiscate that photocopier.

Spokesman Review

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 06:08 AM | Permalink

In Florida,, police used a laser to measure exactly how far away a suspect was when witnesses said he masturbated and laughed at them. I want to know why...

Apparently, the man was standing just inside an opened second-story window at his home, holding the relevant body part in his hand and laughing. Police were called and when they arrived the man was lying on his bed in the upstairs bedroom. He was, he said, just preparing for a post-shower nap but officers reported that his hair was not damp, and it did not appear that he had recently showered.

The distance between the witnesses' doorstep and the man's bedroom window was 80 feet, an officer said after measuring it with a certified laser instrument.

The man said he was peeing out of his bedroom window, and not masturbating at all. Well, that's good to know.

North West Florida Daily News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:53 AM | Permalink

Actually, not a dumb celebrity at all - just a very dumb celebrity lawyer!

Mike Roman works as a criminal defense attorney in Chicago. Out of hours, he fronts for a rock band that goes under the name of "Mike Roman and the Telstars." They even have a new album out.

By the sound of things, Roman is something of a pushy character and, on Friday, he was thrown out of court for trying to push his demo CD onto R Kelly during the rapper's child pornography trial.

Kelly, quite politely it has to be said, declined the disc, but Roman persisted to push. Kelly continued to decline, eventually reminding the attorney that he (KelLy)was subject to a gag order and wasn't allowed to talk to anybody.

Roman, determined not to be beaten, offered to leave the disc with Kelly.

Kelly didn't want the bloody disc. Kelly didn't want Roman to speak to him. Kelly, still polite, asked to be left alone.

Eventually, other attorneys in the court room came to Kelly's aid, and Roman was detained. Even then he couldn't see the error of his ways: "I’m a lawyer and I’m musician," he said, "what’s wrong with that?"

Roman eventually complied with an order to leave the courtroom, but not before trying to sell a copy of the aforementioned new album to one of Kelly’s defense attorneys for $15.

Let's hope, for Roman's sake, that he's understands the music scene better than he understands the legal scene. Although this shameless self promotion would suggest that he doesn't.

Wall Street Journal

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:34 AM | Permalink

From Florida, news that a bank robber "held a gun in a strange manner, even backward during the holdup." Before showing his weapon, the man handed the teller a piece of paper then casually but awkwardly laid his handgun on the counter - pointing towards himself. I suppose that means it was a nug and not a gun.

Local 6

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:26 AM | Permalink

NO JUST SO CRACKED, SHE OBVIOUSLY BROKEN...

Actress, Tatum O'Neal, was arrested on Sunday after being spotted buying crack on the Lower East Side, close to where she lives.

Before they found her bag of crack, her bag of coke and her crack pipe, the actress insisted she was just researching an acting role.

After they found her, um, accoutrements, she changed her story to: "I’ve been clean for a long time. Today was the first time I was relapsing, but you guys saved me! Can you let me go?"

They obviously didn't fall for her acting - she was booked for seventh-degree criminal possession of a controlled substance

Huffington Post

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 05:01 AM | Permalink

When an Iowa man was caught with a 'large quantity' of marijuana, he told police that it was intended for recycling.

Apparently he had several large bags, each of which held at least a 'gallon' of marijuana. Does that mean it comes in linctus form now?

They thought it was shit too, and remanded him on a charge of possession with intent to supply. Bail was set at $14,000.

My Way News

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:41 AM | Permalink

IT'LL FALL OFF IF YOU DON'T LEAVE IT ALONE!!

Kojo Atta jumped from a second floor window in a bid to escape the courthouse last Tuesday.

Attu , a mechanic, stands accused of stealing two mobile phones and threatening the lady owners with a knife.; oh, and of escaping lawful custody. When the time came to explain his escape, Atta reported that the conditions in the prison were not good. In fact, he said, conditions were so bad that his penis had started to rot, which he feels is unfair because, he says, he is innocent.

Mr Richard Asiedu-Badu, the presiding judge, shared his concerns but said his alleged innocence did not give him the ticket to escape from the law and promised to convey his message to the Interior Minister for the prisons to be reformed.

He then sentenced Atta to three months. Could be called a 'soft' sentence, I suppose.

Modern Ghana.

Posted by Dianne Sandland at 03:29 AM | Permalink