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October 12, 2008

Beethoven Delivers a Rap Across the Knuckles

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Andrew Vactor was fond of listening to rap music (is that a contradiction of terms?) in his car, and he had a habit of turning the volume up high. Eventually, of course, he had to face the music. Literally.

Judge Susan Fornof-Lippencott, Champaign County Municipal Court Judge, imposed a fine of $150 on Vactor for playing his music too loudly, but offered to reduce the fine to $35 if the accused would spend 20 hours listening to composed by Bach, Beethoven and Chopin.

Well, to be fair, the twenty-four-year-old gave it a go but, according to a probation office, he lasted about 15 minutes before giving up and paying the full fine.

Vactor said that the classical music wasn't the problem, he just wanted to be at a practice session with the rest of the Urbana University basketball team.

Judge Fornof-Lippencott says she was trying to make him understand that people don't like to be forced to listen to music they don't fully appreciate.

She says she's also taped TV shows for defendants in other cases to watch on topics such as financial responsibility. As she sees it, they get the chance to have their fine reduced "and at the same time broaden their horizons."

My Way News

October 11, 2008

A Sign of the Times?

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

A 76-year-old convicted burglar in Britain is retiring. The reason for hanging up his swag bag is, he says, because modern technology has made it so hard to commit crimes.

Richard Blaylock was released from jail last week. On his release, the great-grandfather said that technological advancements, such as DNA testing and high-quality surveillance equipment, make a life of crime unsustainable.

Blaylock was a career criminal, with a total of 69 convictions under his belt, he has spent more than half of his life in 14 different prisons. His final conviction came when he was carrying his burglary tools and was stopped by police.

He said he hopes any young and aspiring criminals would learn from his experiences.


UPI

Blundering Blue Bunny with Bucket Bungles Burglary

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

A six-foot blue rabbit carrying a bucket and accompanied by a gun-wielding sidekick has been arrested in Sweden. The rabbit and his pal made an unsuccessful attempt to rob a currency exchange office in Farsta, just outside Stockholm.

They attempted to force their way through security doors in the exchange, but staff managed to shut the second of two doors in their face. And that was when Bungle and his buddy ran away.

Police captured two suspects a short while later, and held them on suspicion of attempted robbery. Authorities believe that the bunny suit may itself have been stolen earlier in the day.

Now, if it had been a 6 foot invisible rabbit named Harvey, it would have been believable. But, a blue bunny...

Metro

If Police Catch You Having Sex in Your Car...

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

it's best not to tell them you've been drinking!

Apparently overtaken by passion, 23-year-old Dennis Cullen and his girlfriend were having sex in their car when they were surprised by a tap-tap-tap on the windscreen. They looked up to see a uniformed police officer, whether or not they also saw the several marked police cars in surround parking spaces is not reported.

To make matters worse, the couple was also parked in a disabled space. With the engine running.

Cullen made the mistake of telling the officer that he and his female companion had been drinking at a university function. He was charged with drink driving. Neither he nor his companion were charged in connection with having sex in the car.

Silly boy!


Ananova

October 09, 2008

Lechery - an Unrecognized Symptom of PTSD?

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

In Australia, the wife of a diplomat who got drunk and then squeezed the bottom of a Victorian policeman, has avoided a criminal conviction - despite the fact that following her arrest she injured a prison guard.

Muna Mawrid, 31, whose Norwegian husband is posted to Vietnam, staggered from the bar Amnesia at 5am on May 10 and grabbed the officer's left butt cheek.

She apparently remarked, "I love you guys. You look so f***# ing hot with your nine-millimetres." Reportedly, Mawrid's eyes were glazed and her speech was slurred.

After her arrest, Mawrid requested her asthma inhaler. She then lunged at a female guard and pulled her into the cell and, in the struggle, the guard suffered a lacerated finger which needed stitches.

The Norwegian avoided a criminal conviction because, two days after the event, a doctor diagnosed her as suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.

Mawrid was put on a non-conviction 12-month undertaking to be of good behavior, ordered to pay $500 to the court fund, and to continue counseling for her condition.

It seems to me that her actions were more the result of feeling 'hot' than of PTSD but what do I know.

The Age

A Word of Caution for all Would Be Law Breakers

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

In these days of CCTV it doesn't pay to have your name and date of birth tattooed on the back of your neck.

Aaron Evans, an illiterate 21 year old, attempted to steel a car in Bristol, UK. Unfortunately for him, he was caught when police used CCTV images showing the tattooed details on the back of his neck to pick him up.

Even more unfortunately for Evans, the car had been left by Avon and Somerset Police officers with a covert camera concealed inside, which took the damning pictures.

Evans pleaded guilty at Bristol Magistrates' Court and was sentenced to seven months in prison.

BBC

October 07, 2008

Correctional Fluid Leads to Correctional Facility

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Juan Briceno has has been caught driving drunk four times - in 1998, 1999, 2000 and 2007.

On May 1, 2007, Briceno was taken in for reported drunk driving and, perhaps wanting to prove beyond doubt that he's whiter than white, drunk a bottle of Wite Out correctional fluid!

He was seen drinking from correctional fluid on a surveillance video - he had been left alone in a room at the police station, thinking that officers had gone to get the breath-testing equipment. Whether he was attempting to cover the fumes on his breath is not known - he's wiped the event from his mind. Hey - perhaps the stuff works!!

In the event, police spent a happy few minutes watching as Briceno attempted unsuccessfully to correct his mime-artist lips - perhaps he should have used Tippex to cover his mistake.

Later, at the hospital, Briceno's blood alcohol level was found to be three and a half times the legal limit.

Omaha World Herald

Now, Here's an Unlikely Yarn,,,

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

When Heidi Kohl, an 89 year old grandmother from Western Germany, became fed up with all the cars parked in her neighborhood, she extracted her revenge by slashing tires - 50 of them.

One of Kohl's neighbors spotted her mid-slash and reported her activities to the police and, subsequently, Granny Kohl was told she would face a fine. However, when Kohl told the authorities she couldn't afford to pay the fine, they came up with a rather unusual punishment - they ordered her to knit jumpers for her victims.

A spokeswoman confirmed: "When she's knitted the sweaters, then the matter will be over for us."

All that knitting will keep her off the streets as well.

Digital Spy

October 02, 2008

Is it a Bird? Is it a Plane? No! It's Stipe Cavlovic

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Celebrity

Croatian couple, Stipe Cavlovic and his wife Mirna, unintentionally got caught up in a disagreement between two men, and one of the men fired at them.

Amazingly, the bullet ricocheted off Mirna's cheek and got stuck in Stipe's false teeth.

By surprise, rather than by intention, Stipe spat out the hot bullet, causing the attacker to run off in fright.

The Croatian superman is quoted as telling the police, " I thought I was dead for sure, I didn't even see the bullet hit my wife. I just saw the flash of the gun's barrel. The next thing I knew was something hit my false tooth and I spat out the hot lead. It hurt like hell but we're both still alive." Wife Maria was also uninjured.

Police believe he survived because the bullet lost so much speed when it grazed Marla's cheek.

The gunman was arrested.

Metro

October 01, 2008

Hey Ma - There's a Cow Peeing on Our Porch

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal


In Cincinnati, thirty-two-year-old Michelle Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after chasing children and urinating on a neighbor's porch. She was wearing a cow suit at the time.

Police were called when the 'cow' blocked traffic in a busy street. The arresting officer reported that Allen's breath smelled of alcohol, she slurred her speech, and she was belligerent, apparently cussing at him.

I've never been to Cincinnati, maybe I should go.

Local 12


September 27, 2008

Dumb Pussy

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Only a dumb pussy would urinate on a man's briefcase and not expect to pay the price. In this case, the price wasn't actually too bad - the man who owned the briefcase flung the cat onto the balcony of the apartment where they both lived. Also sharing the apartment was the man's wife, the nominal owner of said dumb pussy.

Now, the man's wife obviously preferred the dumb pussy to her dumb husband, because she called the Italian Animal and Environment Defense Association, who in turn found her lawyers specializing in similar cases.

Cat owner and man's wife, Mrs Laura Marchesi, reported that she had found her cat hungry and shivering with cold after spending the night trying to get back into their apartment, and a court has now ordered Mr Marchesi, he of the pee'd on briefcase, to pay his wife $800 for vets' expenses and emotional damage.

We are not told whether the emotional damage refers to the dumb pussy or to Mrs Marchesi (or is that one and the same thing?). However, Mrs Marchesi is quoted as saying, "I love my cat very, very much and what happened to it affected me deeply. It is only fair that I receive some compensation."

We are not told the status of the Marchesi marriage.

Ananova

A Bridge Too Far

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal


When a client neglected to settle a $750 bill for two dental bridges, a Bavarian dentist took the only option open to him; he reclaimed the goods.

According to police, the dentist barged into the woman's house, tied her up, forced her mouth open and yanked out the two bridges that had not been paid for.

The dentist is now under investigation for assault for forcing open the woman's mouth, and theft for taking the bridges.

The crime report states that "the woman was in pain when she showed up at the police station."

Metro

September 25, 2008

Does My Bum Look Big in This?

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

If ever there was a bum rap, this is it. When Sandra Meiser robbed a bank in Norf, West Germany; she got away with $24,000. Witnesses to the crime told police that the bank robber was a woman with "a very large backside and powerful thighs."

A few weeks later, Meiser revisited the scene of her crime. As she was standing in line, allegedly with intent to rob the bank again, a witness to the first robbery identified her by the size of her bottom.

According to a bank worker who was present, "He called the police and they arrested her and found her ski mask and hand gun in her jacket. He said he recognized her bottom straight away - he'd never forget something that big."

Meiser now faces up to 10 years in jail on robbery and firearms charges. The witness has bagged a $8,000 reward.

Police Officer Battered by the Wind

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Jose Cruz was stopped for driving under the influence in South Carolina, but he was arrested for farting on a police officer.

According to police officers, when Cruz was taken to the station for fingerprinting, he moved closer to the arresting officer and passed gas on him.

The odour was, apparently, "very strong."

Cruz has now been charged with battery on a police officer as well as Driving Under the Influence, and obstruction.

Metro

September 23, 2008

Holy Cow!

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Pigs might not fly, but cows apparently do!

In China, a motorist was understandable shocked when a cow dropped from the sky and landed on his bonnet.

The black and white beast left a deep dent in his wake Luckily for the driver, a resident witnessed the accident - had that not been the case, who would have believed the 'victim?' The resident said he saw the cow jump off a lorry that was driving ahead of the car.

The lorry didn't stop - wonder why?

When police caught up with the lorry driver, he was arrested and is now in custody. Apparently he is a cow thief and he had stolen three cows from a local farmer. When the accident happened he was taking the cows to market.


Annanova

September 20, 2008

Cross Dressing Lamb

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Forty-year-old Martyn Lamb had an unusual way of unwinding before picking his children up from school. Wearing skimpy knickers, suspenders and a blond wig, the married father of three exposed himself to passing trains.

When questioned by the Magistrate in York, Lamb said that he wore women's underwear while he was at work because it helped him to unwind during the day.

Metro

September 19, 2008

And You Thought Men Couldn't Multi-Task!

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

A 50 year old gentleman (I use the term in its broadest sense) is awaiting charges in Michigan after proving to policemen that men can indeed multitask.

The unnamed man was discovered masturbating behind a downtown building Wednesday afternoon. The gentleman was shirtless and had his pants down around his ankles; in one hand he held a beer and his other hand was otherwise engaged as he leaned over a pornographic magazine. It's too much to hope that his senses were aroused by the beauty of the written word - multitasking and reading is too much to expect.

Worryingly, police said this man does not match the description of a man who exposed himself to two women in separate incidents on Tuesday.


Michigan Alive

September 18, 2008

Is a Gram of Weed Enough to Make a Sandwich?

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

On Sunday morning, a young woman allegedly called 911 and told the operator that if she had an AK47 assault rifle, she would "stick it in the 911 operator's mouth and shoot it."

When police responded to the false 911 call they found Khaliyah Ranchelle Limehouse at a pay phone. On their arrival, Limehouse yelled at them that she had made the 911 call and that she would kill the officers if she had a gun.

As she was being arrested,the woman kicked an officer and tried to bite him. After she had been arrested, police found a sandwich bag containing1 gram of marijuana in Limehouse's purse.

Limehouse was charged with making a false 911 call, obstructing or opposing an officer with violence, possession of marijuana and two counts of battery on a law enforcement officer.

She is being held today $7,000 bail.

What I want to know is:

1. How would she manage to shoot the 911 operator down the phone (a good trick if you can do it)?
2. How could she possibly get a decent sized sandwich with only 1 gram marijuana?

Tampa Bay Online

September 16, 2008

Is this Alcohol Abuse?

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal


A German teenager who caused $141,262.24 in damage when he flooded a Dusseldorf arena with beer will stand trial on Monday.

The boy allegedly broke into the arena with a friend back in October 2006 and opened three beer taps, flooding the place with 1,400 liters of pilsner lager. The beer soaked through the stadium to a conference room and eventually reached the parking area where it caused extensive damage.

Apparently the stench was so overwhelming that it was a year before the conference room could be used again.

The Local

Sacramento Cop Arrested for 'Exhibiting a Deadly Weapon'

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

The same cop, Jeffrey Wayne McKay, was also arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure, isn't that one and the same thing?

Police were called out just before 10 pm Saturday following reports that McKay was allegedly in his front yard making threats to neighborhood kids with a loaded gun. He also reportedly exposed himself while urinating on his front lawn. Now this is some multi-tasker! Gun in one hand and penis in the other, I bet he didn't know which one to shoot first.

And I hate to be pedantic - but how could he urinate without exposing himself?

McKay was arrested at the scene and held on $15,000 bail. He has since been released on bail bond.

Channel13

September 15, 2008

She's Yours for a Pint

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

In Germany a man has received a three-year jail sentence for selling his partner to his neighbor as a sex slave. The price was a crate of beer.

The alcoholic husband sold his 32 year old wife more than once over a period of several weeks to their 60 year old neighbor. Each purchase cost the neighbor a crate of beer.

Mind you, the Germans do make exceedingly good beer.

SMH

September 14, 2008

Tasered in Tallahassee

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Don't walk your dog in the nude in Tallahassee!

A 40 year old Tallahassee, spotted doing just that on Friday evening, responded to police questioning with, "Allah told me to watch a Bruce Willis movie and walk the dog." Now whether that was Allah the almighty or somebody the man shared his home with, I have no idea. Although, I suppose there's always the possibility that the guy shared his home with Allah the Almighty. Anyway, I digress...

The man was tasered when he refused to follow an officer's commands - we are not told what those commands were but apparently using the Taser was the only way to subdue the man without having to hurt him.


Wink News

September 13, 2008

Mouldy Old Dough

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

I've slotted this story into the Dumb Criminal pigeon hole but really it's not dumb anything, in fact, its a witty, whimsical invention.

Fed up with putting your lunch being snagged from the office refrigerator?
Moms - are you pissed because the kids snag refrigerator bags containing food set aside for meals?
Well, you're troubles are over!

I present you with the Anti-Theft Lunch Bag

Clever eh?

September 10, 2008

You'll have to come to your own conclusions about this one...

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

A burglar broke into a home and rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms. Then he used an 8 inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he ran out the house. I have no idea of the relevance of 8" as used to describe the sausage.

The suspect was found hiding in a nearby field a few minutes later and taken into custody on suspicion of residential robbery.

Unfortunately, some of the evidence is missing - the piece of sausage used in the attack was discarded by the suspect and eaten by a dog.

Daily Telegraph

And you thought you're partner was mean...

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

...he or she doesn't bear comparison to this German miser:

Magdalena Czerwinskawas sentenced to 15 days in prison for theft but was told she could pay a fine instead. She telephoned her boyfriend, Max Schuster, and asked him to pay. No, he said. He would rather keep the money for himself because, in the current economic climate, we have to save where we can. He didn't really feel like going to the jail anyway.

So poor Ms Czerwinskawas is still in jail. It is not sure if the relationship will continue when she is released.

Ananova

September 04, 2008

Even If You Only Use Cocaine When You're With Prostitutes...

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

...Don't Tell the Police!

A 40 year old man was stopped by a trooper after being seen to drive his vehicle erratically. As the trooper was examining the man's driving license, white powder was seen to fall out of a crumpled up $100 bill. The man told the trooper that he only used cocaine when he was 'with the prostitutes.'

The driver's mistake was his answer to the question 'when were you last with a prostitute' with 'tonight.'

Strangely enough, the man was transported to the county jail.


The Kitsap Sun

Helpful Hint...

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

If you're on a drugs charge, don't swallow the evidence.

On Tuesday night last, 38 year old Prince Swayzer III was pulled on suspicion of trafficking narcotics. During questioning Swayzer apparently became combative and was subdued with a Taser gun. He also allegedly ingested an 'unknown amount of a controlled substance.'

Prince Swayzer III is no more, he died in hospital after refusing medical treatment. Ah, well...

KTVU.com

September 03, 2008

Dead Man in Good Health

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

A word to the wise - if you've faked your death for the insurance money - don't visit your GP.

Our hero today is Ahmad Akhtary, who had managed to get a false death certificate from Afghanistan certifying that he had died of 'brain trauma.'

The trauma to his brain must have been extensive - what other explanation is there for the fact that Akhtary continued to lead a perfectly normal, visible life despite being dead. Top marks to his GP for diagnosing that he was alive.

Instead of the £300,000 that Akthary hoped to net, he has been jailed for nine months (suspended for two years) on the charge of gaining money by deception.

I suppose that pretending to have a brain does count as deception.

Lancashire Evening Post

September 02, 2008

Bribe Sandwiches Obviously Contained Wrong Fillling

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal


Mark Anthony Booth, of Iowa City, was charged with drunken driving and bribery early Sunday morning. He was pulled over for driving without headlights and, following a Breathalyzer test, was arrested for drunken driving.

In the squad car journey following the arrest, Booth offered the escorting officer "free Jimmy John's sandwiches if he was allowed to go home."

The officer declined the offer, to which Booth allegedly responded, "C'mon... Nobody's going to know."

Thick as well as crappy sandwiches then.


Press Citizen

August 30, 2008

The Shoe Bandit Beagle

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

The dumb criminal in this story is a dumb animal, so I think we can forgive him...

The blame for a string of shoe thefts has been laid square on the very small shoulders of stray beagle. The penny dropped after Angie Jeffers reported one of her son's shoes disappeared after being left outside overnight and later turned up near the firehouse, where it was spied on a ramp right beside the dog.

The acting town Marshall has also seen the dog carrying a tennis shoe, with something on his head that was not a hat. The beagle obviously needs some fashion advice because the item on his head was a pair of ladies underwear. The dog was heading for the fire department.

Officials said the dog, who takes only one shoe at a time and never leaves any bite marks on the items, has proven difficult to capture.

I don't think they've been trying very hard, do you?

UPI

August 27, 2008

How Do You Know When You're Really Poor?

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

When Thieves Feel Sorry For You and Leave You Money!

The criminals in this story are heroic rather than dumb. Flavia Alcantara, a Brazilian lady, left a note on the windscreen of her car warning thieves that it wasn't worth stealing.

The note read: Mr Robber, please do not steal this car. It has no batteries, no spare tire. It is in bad shape. Thank you for your attention.

She wasn't exaggerating; somebody did try to steal her car but gave it up as a bad job - and left her a 1 Reai banknote - worth about 80 cents.

Ananova

August 26, 2008

Research Results Awaited with Interest

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal


Jeffrey M Hansen wanted to know if the glass doors and windows of the Rock County Sheriff's Office were bullet-proof. In an experiment to find the answer to his research question, he repeatedly threw a large stone at the aforementioned doors and windows.

When officers went to investigate. Hansen gave himself up, holding out his wrists to officers, and admitted to causing the damage, telling officers to handcuff and arrest him. He told the officers he threw the rocks to see if the glass was bulletproof; investigating officers did find chips in the glass panes, a fact that will certainly inform the research project.

Ten people from a jail tour were in the lobby during the alleged incident.

Hansen was arrested for reckless endangering safety, criminal damage to property and disorderly conduct and is being held at the Rock County Jail until his initial court appearance.

We await the results of his research with interest, although one wonders if data produced for large stones (aka rocks?) is transferable to bullets.

Capital Times

Please Don't Tell the Wife

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Austrian Josef Reiner was admitted to hospital with a broken nose, jaw, and arm; injuries consistent with having been attacked.

However, when the hospital called police, Reiner admitted that he had used an iron bar to inflict the injuries on himself in an attempt to fake an armed robbery. Apparently, Reiner had lost thousands of dollars at the casino and was too frightened to tell his wife.

Ananova

August 23, 2008

It Wasn't Me, Your Honor

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

When two police officers stopped a Ford Ranger for failing to signal a turn on Thursday, the driver of the vehicle became very nervous, telling officers, "It's not my truck, if you find something, it's not mine", and "if there is anything in that black bag, it's not mine."

The police later found approximately 50 rocks of crack cocaine in the bag and impounded the truck.

The driver was arrested for possession of a controlled substance and is being held in the County Jail on a $1,500 bond.

How often must it be said - if you're carrying something illegal you should ensure that your driving is pristine.

Caller

Is it a plane, is it a bat...

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

...No, it's a burglar!

When Paul Ives returned to his home in Dartford, England, after a long day at work he was shocked to find that he had been the victim of an attempted burglary; he was even more shocked to find the burglar still in situ - hanging upside down after apparently using a hammer he was still holding to smash through a glass window.

Ives reports "He was hanging upside down. His body was inside the house and he was stuck in the window with his foot outside. The more he struggled, the more he got jammed. When I got home, he still had the hammer in his hand which he had used to smash the main window and get some leverage."

Police and paramedics were called to the scene and, once freed, John Pearce pleaded guilty to burglary with intent to steal. Sentencing is scheduled for September 5th.


UPI

August 22, 2008

Who? Who? It Was the Owl What Dunnit!

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Michael Peterson, who was convicted of killing his wife, Kathleen Peterson has come up with a novel defense, or rather his attorney has.

Attorney Larry Pollard, a former neighbor of the Petersons, hopes to change the prosecutor's mind with evidence that was handed over to Peterson's defense team before the 2003 verdict. His hypothesis is that it was a neighborhood owl and not a fancy fireplace poker that caused the blunt-force trauma and head wounds that drained the life from Kathleen Peterson in December 2001.

Wouldn't there be feathers if that had been the case? Pollard has an answer for that one; an SBI report lists the presence of a microscopic feather mixed in with hair that Kathleen Peterson had clutched in her left hand.

So, are we saying that the owl killed Mrs Peterson with a fancy firework poker?

NewsObserver

August 18, 2008

Remember the Guy Who Stole the Beer...

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

and got 22 of his buddies arrested?

Well, apparently that wasn't his first arrest of the week. The previous day, he had robbed the same store and been caught with his illegal booty at the bus stop. One officer commented, "We don't know if he just started doing it or if he just started getting caught."

What's that saying about criminals not revisiting the scene of the crime? Should somebody explain it to the Not-So-Phantom Beer Bandit?

Denver News

Aah!

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

This criminal is not so much dumb as naive; I challenge you not to sigh in sympathy (or something).

A 17 year old in Los Osos, California, has been charged with retail theft. He was arrested last Wednesday after he tried to get away with a 'Great Sex Kit' without paying for it.

The product apparently retails for $7.95; I wish I knew how you could get great sex for $7.95!

You know what - if I'd been the store clerk I would have bought it for him.

nwf Daily News

August 16, 2008

Um, That's the Wrong Sort of Bar!

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Zachary Rajaniemi stole two 30-packs of beer from a 7-11 store early one morning. When police caught up with him, he was quenching his thirst with the stolen beer, along with 22 o f his friends.

All 23 were arrested for possession of alcohol and ended up behind the bars at El Paso County Jail. I suspect that the 22 wish their friend hadn't been so generous with his booty.

KTSM


August 13, 2008

What Do You Wear When the Laundry Basket's Full and the Wardrobe's Empty?

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Well, it's obvious, isn't it - you wear a Winnie-the-Pooh costume.

Well, that's what Japanese Masayuki Ishikawa wore anyway. His two friends apparently have far less style, they dressed as a mouse and a panther.

The thing is, when people in the street stared at them, Ishikawa took umbrage, beat them up and stole $160.

So much for Pooh sticks and honey for tea.

Reuters

You Can Tell Me - I'm a Porn Inspector

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

A desperate man made three tries within nine days to get free X-rated videos from an 'adult' store. All three attempts were unsuccessful, despite the fact that he showed a badge and claimed to be a police officer. He told store staff that he needed to ensure that the performers in the videos weren't underage.

Although the card he presented did not have a name, it claimed to have originated from the Longmont Age Verification Unit.

You won't be surprised to hear that there is no such unit.

Wink.News

August 12, 2008

Step Away from the Bride!

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

In Batavia, New York, a groom has been arrested for being to close to his bride on their wedding day.

Timothy Cole wed his ex-wife and they celebrated with a post-wedding party. During the celebrations Cole, who was well known to police, got involved in a quarrel with one of the guests. Apparently called to the wedding day altercation, officers realized that the new (recycled?) bride had previously taken out a protection order against Cole. The groom was arrested and charged with first-degree criminal contempt, a felony, and ordered jailed without bail.

Leaving a blushing bride, I suspect.

My Way News


August 11, 2008

Why did Rudy Cross the Road?

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Because he's a chicken, of course!

Rudy is, in fact, a 5-foot, 400-pound bright blue rooster; not because he's been eating irradiated grain but because he's made of metal.

He managed to cross the road when somebody tried to steal him. For whatever reason, the thief gave up after crossing the road and Rudy's owner discovered the chicken he views as a 'family pet' next morning when he went for his daily paper.

The thief was obviously more chicken than Rudy.

My Way News

August 09, 2008

Follow That Cab!

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Fifty-five-year-old Faith Sullivan called a taxi service from a hotel and took a ride to the Compass Bank on Belair Boulevard (somewhere in Florida). The taxi waited outside for Sullivan to return. But, as taxi driver Malcolm Christian commented, "she wasn't cashing no check."

Sullivan is accused of robbing the bank and using Christian's taxi as her get-away car. The audacious former entertainer, once a member of the Air Force's band, is now in jail charged with robbery. Presumably she now sings for supper.

WKRG

Can I Call You Back Later?

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Grayson Lee Clevenger, who was wanted in a first-degree burglary case in Burnsville, was involved in a police chase on July 22. The chase crossed the Minnesota-Wisconsin border and, close to the University of Minnesota, Clevenger fled on foot (which leads me to assume that, up until that point, he had been driving).

IN an attempt to bring the chase to a close, police called Clevenger on his cell phone. Clevenger answered their call with "Dude, I can't talk, I'm being chased by the police." Then he hung up.

The police must have failed to catch their quarry because Clevenger was eventually arrested following another chase. Having crashed his stolen getaway car, Clevenger once again tried to run away. This time he wasn't quick enough; police caught and arrested him.

As of yesterday, he was being held in Hennepin County Jail.

My Fox Twin Cities

August 08, 2008

Is That A Chicken in Your Pants...

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

or are you pleased to see me?

In Palm Springs, California, an officer was rather perturbed by the swollen crotch of the man in a Wal-Mart Super Center. The puzzle was solved when the officer asked the man if he had anything on him that he (the officer) should know about; in response the man removed a 3 1/2-pound package of Foster Farms chicken breasts from the front of his pants.

Timothy Yates was booked on suspicion of possessing stolen property and taken to jail, where he was locked up in lieu of $5,000 bail. His crotch was far less spectacular following his arrest.

KNBC

The Romans had Bear Baiting Pits

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

in the US we have Barbecue Pits!

The argument between a man and woman about whether or not a guest should stay in their home became so heated that the woman picked up the barbecue pit and hit the man over the head with it.

The man responded by using the pit to hit the woman over the head; the final response went to the woman, who used the barbecue pit to smash the back window of the man's car.

Both combatants received medical attention before being arrested. The man was charged with aggravated battery, his opponent with aggravated battery and criminal damage.

We are not told whether the guest stayed or not.

My Way News

August 06, 2008

Wacky Races

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Picture the scene: the driver of a 1999 Chevrolet Tahoe is trying to flee from the police. In his efforts to get away, he floors the gas pedal and drives out onto a lake. After fifty yards or so, it occurs to the driver that, unless he is the new messiah, he shouldn't be able to do this. He looks down in consternation and, a heartbeat later, he and his car plunge into the water. Cue Mutley laugh.

However, this isn't a scene from Wacky Races, this really happened. Steven M. Frissora had allegedly used his car in an aggressive manner against a man fishing with a young child before taking his plunge. According to police, the car traveled a full 50 yards before coming to a halt. And ironically, the fisherman, helped police to rescue Frissora from the water.

Frissora had been under police investigation for violation of a restraining order. Following his attempt to drive on water, Frissora was charged with:

* violation of a protective order
* failure to stop for police
* resisting arrest
* driving so as to endanger
* drunken driving (second offense)
* assault with a dangerous weapon (motor vehicle)

He is now also certain that he is not the Second Coming.

Worcester Telegram and Gazette

What Happened to Honor Among Thieves?

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

You have to admire thirty-three year old Edward Bishop for his cheek.

Bishop stole a Chevy Silverado pick-up truck and used it to drive to the convenience store. While sitting in the truck outside the 7-Eleven store, a man with a gun got into the truck and ordered Bishop to start driving.

When the pick-up ran out of gas, the hijacker ordered Bishop to get out and start pushing. However, the original thief took the opportunity to escape - and call the police.

Police spotted the truck the next day and, after a short chase that ended in a crash, hijacker Jomo Sexton was arrested.

How's that for karma in action!

San Francisco Chronicle

August 05, 2008

German Police in Sting Operation

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal


When a group of intruders went for a midnight skinny-dip in a swimming pool in Western Germany, they hadn't given any thought to planning a getaway should they get caught.

And get caught they did. Police chased the swimmers, who fled in different directions. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view), one of the skinny-dippers jumped a wall - and landed straight in a hedge of nettles.

According to the police, all they had to do then was, "just follow the sound of the screaming."

Ouch...

Ananova

Mother Gives Court The Finger!

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

There was uproar in an English court room last week when the defendant pulled two fingers from her handbag and said they belonged to one of her children.

The Judge immediately cleared the court and the police were called, along with social services and the child protection team.

The defendant was mother-of-six Remi Fakorede, who is now behind bars for a tax credit fraud amounting to 925,000 pounds ($1,808.29). Fakorede claimed that the fingers had fallen off the child's hand as a result of a strong voodoo curse; the same curse that had forced her (Fakorede) into crime.

Although it is understood one of her children had lost part of her hand after suffering renal problems and developing gangrene, DNA test results are now under way to find out who the fingers belong to.

The Sun

August 03, 2008

Something Must Have Egged Them On...

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Pennsylvania couple Philip Fleck and Heather Darcy egged the properties of over 400 people during an 18 month retaliation campaign against the friends they allege inflicted damages upon them.

Why should so many pay for the alleged actions of so few? Because Fleck and Darcy believed that this would draw suspicion away from them.

Police allege that the couple caused more than $7,000 during their campaign, but Darcy's mother denies this; she believes that police have got everything out of proportion - after all, she says, her daughter openly admitted things to the police, and was apologetic for one incident.

According to court documents, both Fleck and Heather Darcy admitted their role in the 18-month egg-tossing spree.

Why not take a look at the egg heads.

August 02, 2008

Will Secret Thief be Busted?

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

A Victoria's Secret store in Milwaukee has reported the theft of 115 bras. The thief was a woman, apparently, although I have know idea how police know this fact. I want to know how the hell this woman smuggled 115 bras out of the shop without being noticed.

I assume that 'undercover' police are working in a supporting role in this case.


JS Online

July 31, 2008

The Laying on of Hands...

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

John A. LaVoie ran a massage and prostitution business in his Tucson building that went under the name of Angel's Heaven. He claimed that Angel's Heaven was part of his church and was funded by donations.

The jury didn't seem to think that this sort of outreach service was part of the Lord's works; they found LaVoie guilty of 22 civil counts of racketeering. He was ordered to forfeit $850,000 he earned from the prostitution business and $81,000 in cash police seized during a raid. The 52 year-old was also ordered to give up an office building worth up to $1 million.

(sigh) I wonder would Jesus would say? Or should that be, I wonder what Jesus would donate...


AZ Central


Should These People Be Charged with Battery?

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Office Depot employee, Shaun Philistin, was disgruntled with his manager and was planning to rob the store's cash in revenge. Last week, with his friend, William Clairvin, Philistin put his dastardly plan into action.

On July 22nd, about an hour before the store opened, two masked men (that is, Clairvin and Philstin) confronted the manager. Tied up and confronted with violent behavior, the manager told the two masked villains to take what they wanted. Then it all started to go pear shaped. As the men left the manager's office, the door automatically shut and locked behind them. Obviously still fired up, the men tied up two employees, before trying, unsuccessfully, to get back into the officer.

By now the police had been called, and the two friends fled the scene towards their getaway car - a Cadillac. Unfortunately for them, they had to ask for jumper cables to start the car. Apparently the Cadillac belongs to Philistin and always has to be started from under the hood. Perhaps that should be Philistine with an 'e'...

Both men face charges of armed robbery with a firearm, aggravated assault, aggravated battery, grand theft, false imprisonment and use of a firearm during the commission of a felony.

Florida Today

July 30, 2008

The Caring Face of Justice

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal

Just a shame that it's in China!

Leng Qiang had been on the police 'wanted' list for two years after robbing a nightclub. Then police got lucky, hearing on the grapevine that Qiang had a new girlfriend and could possibly be hiding at her place. However, when the police arrived at the girlfriend's place, they found that her family was in situ, preparing for a wedding. What is more, the girlfriend was obviously pregnant.

The police waited outside the house for two days to avoid interrupting the wedding and to save embarrassing the family of the bride. As if that wasn't enough, once the wedding was over the police decided that the newly married couple should be allowed to enjoy their wedding night. So they planned the arrest for the following morning.

When police eventually did break in, the groom was still sleeping. The bride had no idea that her new husband was wanted by police and said that it was a bit late to find out now.

Aah!


Ananova

Who's Been Sleeping in My Bed?!

LegalView's DumbJustice - Dumb Criminal


Tommy Gill obviously hasn't been going to bed early enough; what other explanation is there for being found fast asleep in a child's bed - surrounded by stolen possessions?

A mother and her two children arrived home at about 11 o'clock at night after having been to a family get together. The 10 year old girl pointed out that the light was on, which it shouldn't have been. Sensing something was up, the mother sent her two children into the kitchen for milk and cookies, whereupon the family realized that the back door had been smashed in.

Gill was found fast asleep in the 12 year-old-boy's bed and, according to the children's mother, it took, police quite a while to wake him up. Twenty-seven year old Gill had picked up a rucksack and stuffed the boy's new X box computer and games into it. He also raided the boy's money box which contained 120 pounds he had saved up for his holiday. Having stuffed the cash down his trousers, Gill headed upstairs - and promptly fell asleep.

After he was arrested Gill told police he had taken 15 Valium tablets and was deeply sorry to the family for what he had done.

Gill, who has been branded 'Goldilocks' by the police, will appear for sentencing at Portsmouth Crown Court next month.

Daily Mail

July 28, 2008

Come On; We've All Done It!